When the Love Affair is Over
A Story of a Love Lost and Found
by
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I hear a voice, “You can’t say anything. Do you understand? If you tell anyone, you’ll get a beating, BJ.” The voice insists.
I don’t understand, fear overwhelms me.
Why am I crying?
I hear the same voice. “You want something to eat?” “I’ll make you a sandwich you will feel better.”
What are these dreams about? Who said that? Why are they so intense? Why? I go inward and tears roll down my face. What is the fear?
And why today I’m a grown woman in my living room of my fifth floor artdeco apartment suddenly hungry for a sandwich. Not just any sandwich a american cheese, tomato, and Miracle Whip sandwich on white bread. Mouth watering. I walk to the kitchen open the refrigerator and there are the fixings to make the perfect sandwich. As I eat, the fear slips away. Of course food calms me.
More than ten years ago, I attempted to get answers from friends and relatives. Met with such doubt and unbelief I shut down.
I still hear the arugment.
There’s food cooking on the stove. I smell gravy simmering. The rice pot boiling.
“What?” they yell. “What are you talking about?” What dream? I’m grabbed by both arms and my body is lifted in the air and shaken. I can’t speak. I’m afraid my lips are numb.
What did I say wrong? Why are they so mad?
“It’s all a dream BJ just a dream. Do you hear me?”
My body is released, a hand is around my throat.
I struggle to breath. I’m sweating forcing air into my lungs. The grip tightens.
I’m lightheaded.
Fingers grab my lips pinching them together. Tighter, tighter.
My eyes are firmly shut from fear.
The hand gripping my neck opens.
I hear crying. I begin to cry.
I lean against the wall slide to the floor feeling alone and abandoned.
There’s pain in my stomach, I’m weak from fear. I want to throw up. I lay on the floor balled up with my knees touching my forehead.
I don’t talk to anyone about the dream ever again.
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About the Book
I know why I gain weight and keep it on—emotional eating. I don’t want to be a leading authority; I am. I don’t review case studies on emotional eating; I am a case study. I eat to manage my emotions, but it doesn’t work. Even though food has failed me, I use it to cope with fear, anxiety, and other stresses.
Despite my best intentions, I turn to food for comfort, soothing, and a reward when it’s time to celebrate.
As you read my story, you will see my dependence on food and overeating as a way to cope with life, unpleasant feelings, and eventually I hit bottom. On my journey, I developed new strategies for a healthier lifestyle. I gained more energy and improved health.
If you, like me, experience emotional snacking or bingeing regularly, allow me to share my journey with you as I overcome to the other side where there is freedom and peace. Be well, and above all, live free.
About the Author
BJ Hill is a purpose-driven thought leader. She connects with her readers in a manner that helps people recognize they are finding what they never knew existed—their best self. As you walk through the tapestry of her life, BJ engages and guides the audience through difficult topics with humor and raw honesty. BJ’s Treasure Hunting themes, “You Are the Treasure You Are Looking For” and “You Find You at the End of the Rainbow” have captivated women of all ages. She illustrates how exploring each dimension gets to the core of the painstaking truth of how women no longer intimidated by their past are ready to transform into a life never explored or experienced. She is transparent and encourages her audience to be open to their own awakenings of freedom. Rave reviews have followed BJ’s Finally Free Lifestyle Workshop. A recognized author, BJ’s story has captivated audiences around the world.