Stepping into Trust
A Poetic Journey of Recovery
by
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Finding identity
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light”. Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
At first, I didn’t want to look at my story. When I finally became willing, it was an extensive search to find myself. I was an expert at putting on a mask, trying to be what I thought I should be in each area of my life. I don’t think I knew who I really was deep down before. And I’m not sure I liked who I was. I had a lot of shame around being an addict. I came to the realization that I used whatever I could to not feel vulnerable including overworking, alcohol, caretaking and overeating.
I needed a lot of support but felt too high-maintenance to reach out. So, I stuffed the feelings of needing help and being vulnerable deep down. This equaled needs not being met which led to more feelings of neediness. A double bind.
I was very afraid of rejection and this kept me from not reaching out when I needed to. My lament was “Others could work a lot and drink and not have the consequences I was experiencing”. I felt different, set apart. At the same time, I was experiencing a growing awareness that I was so much more than what I did for a living. It was liberating!
Today I can say with 100% certainty that I like myself. Not for who I am supposed to be, not for who someone else thinks I should be, not for who I think someone else wants me to be. I like myself for who God made me to be. I have come to see that there is joy in the journey of discovering who I am and what I value. After awareness comes the important lifelong task of being true to these values in my words and actions. The lyrics from the Song “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music resonates deep in my soul: “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a Child of God”.
The Middle
I've always felt stuck in the middle
Ever since I was very little
Being everywhere and nowhere best describes the feeling
A bitter loneliness in desperate need of healing
Is this the destiny of the lost child, of one on the fringe?
Never wanting to hurt or impinge?
Continually wanting all strife to cease
A burning desire to connect dots and restore peace
A diplomat from the very start
Is this how I should share my heart?
The desire to control the outcome often gets in my way
And the feeling of failure is the price I pay
Forever seeing conflict as a curse, am I willing to see the blessing in disguise?
For it can be in the search for resolution, that one finds the prize
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About the Book
Run. Run from fear. Run to overachievement. Her running began with the loss of her mother in adolescence. Then, if that wasn’t enough, she lost her father to a massive stroke. That pushed her to run further into perfectionism and an advancing career. On the surface, she was a successful professional who lived with a “go big or go home” attitude. But that was the surface. Underneath the bravado, a deep depression led to self-medication and addiction to alcohol. This is a story about overcoming addiction with God’s help. It is a story about addiction and recovery and the faith to overcome. It is a brave story about addiction and recovery told through poetry and raw experiences. Stepping Into Trust guides readers to discover steps to recovery and the hope that leads to healing. Author Brenda Rausch writes from the heart to connect with the emotional pain of dark moments and the joy of walking into deeper trust, belonging, and inner peace. It’s one of those unique books about addiction and recovery that deals with past emotional trauma and the incredible healing process of trusting God. You’re not alone. Brenda Rausch understands. She understands the power of addiction and the challenges of recovery. Through her inspiring journey to recovery, you’ll learn how to overcome addiction with God through art, poetry, and personal stories. Stepping into Trust: A Poetic Journey of Recovery lyrically details a recovering addict’s path to acceptance and healing as she learns to trust in God, herself, and the power of personal transformation. Start your journey to recovery today.
About the Author
Brenda Rausch is passionate about sharing her experiences, strength, and hope with others on a recovery journey. She holds a master’s degree in addiction counseling, is a licensed alcohol and drug counselor, and has worked in the addiction treatment industry for twenty years. Brenda and her husband, Tom, have three children and reside in the St. Croix River Valley. Theresa Dearone is an anointed artist who loves Jesus. Her painting inspiration sometimes comes from a song, a feeling, or where she is with the Lord. Theresa is a native Californian who recently moved to the Midwest with her husband, Pete, where they are enjoying retirement