The words sank deep into Josephine. She felt at once that a wonderful peace spread throughout her whole body, right to her fingertips. It was like waking up from a nightmare. She opened her eyes, and lay still for a long time, looking at the flickering flame on the bedside table.
But what would Magda think of her now? Magda who had been so kind to her, who had carried her through everything and given her a new life? Josephine could not count the number of times she had gone up the creaking steps and ended up in the little chair by the little table in front of the window. They had a special contact, the two of them, despite the big difference in age. But Josephine knew why the relationship had become such a good one. With Magda she had felt unconditional love for the first time.
Magda gripped Josephine`s hand, looked into her eyes and smiled. “So you see, you are not the first person to be gripped by anxiety and despair when you discover that it is so black and dirty inside of you. This psalm is written by king David three thousand years ago. He had a lot to answer for. All the same God did not leave him. When David confessed his sins, God forgave them all, and David could begin again. Do you not remember? That was just what happened that day you were saved up at Bethany!”
“Yes, but then I confessed everything, and was forgiven. But I feel that I continued to hate my father – however much I pray for forgiveness.”
“Listen, Josephine, it is not about your feelings. It is your will. I know that your father has caused you and your family much pain, but nobody suffered as much as him. Every day he woke up and felt his whole body filled with regret, of grief over what he had done the day before – and could not make better. Every day he woke up and felt his body crying out for more alcohol. This cry was so strong that it stifled everything else, so that he even had to beg your mother for the last shilling she had, so that you youngsters had to go hungry. No, none of Satan`s chains are so strong as alcohol. Do you know what Josephine? I had a father who drank too.”
“You did?” Josephine stared in amazement and sat up in bed.
Magda`s face darkened. “Yes, its really true. It`s one of the reasons that I have had a special care for you, Josephine . I have seen myself in you. You were just like me when I was young. I could see how little you felt, I could see how ashamed you were. I knew who you were. I had kept an eye on you for a long time, where you sat. Always a long way back, always so quiet and sad. If only she keeps going here, I thought – whilst I prayed earnestly for you over a long time. That’s why it was so important to me when you finally kneeled down and received Jesus. Since then you have been like a daughter to me. Yes, I love you more than anyone else on this earth.”
Josephine threw herself round her neck. He could not say a word, she just wept. She could not take it in that Magda had been through the same as her.
“Did you hate him?”
“Did I hate him?” said Magda. “Of course. I could have killed him. Many times.”
“Do you still hate him?”
Magda looked thoughtfully at Josephine. “No, I don’t hate him anymore. But it took many years. Long after I became a Christian, and long after he was dead. But it isn’t about that, Josephine. It was rather that I learned that I could decide to forgive. With my will. When I had done it, there was a gradual change in me. It was just as if it lost its hold on me. After a while the bitterness also lost its hold.” Magda sighed. “It was not so easy, and I have wept many tears during all this. I have cried and shouted at God, and done it more that most people. But I would not let bitterness continue to have power over me. I would not for any price have this destructive evil in my heart. And I won't give up until it is out of your heart too!”
“But it`s not possible, Magda. I am not like you. You are almost like an angel compared to me!”
“An angel? Me? Oh, what nonsense! I can tell you what an angel I am! Oh, no. I have to struggle with sin and unbelief just like everyone else, every single day.”
Josephine could hardly believe it. Was this really true of Magda?
“Come on,” said the older woman firmly, Now we need to pray!”
For the second time this awful day Josephine knelt down. But this time it was not with the smell of death and rotten flesh in her nose, but with the fragrance of Magda`s love next to her.
But can I? thought Josephine.
The answer came as a surprise. She had prayed without feeling anything – and suddenly He was there. Filling the room.
From the age of ten, Josephine had been the one who had had to carry the heavy water buckets in a yoke over her shoulders. Every day, in burning sun and freezing cold. It was the longest walk In the world, and the only thing that kept her going towards the end, was the thought of that wonderful feeling when she could put the buckets down in the kitchen and lift off the yoke.
This was how she felt now. Just like that. Indescribably light. He jumped up and danced round the room, completely full of joy. She threw her arms round Magda.
They stood for a long time, holding round each other.
Finally, Magda went away and sat at her usual place by the window. She made a sign to Josephine to follow her.
‘”Sit down Josephine. I think it’s the right time to ask you now.”
“Yes?”
“You have been together with me a lot visiting the poor, and I think that you have managed well and done a fine job.”
Josephine blushed and looked down. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Now I would like to ask you if you would like to move into the little room beside here and really be part of this work. You know that Bethania have given me the responsibility of leading the work in the slums.” Magda looked seriously at Josephine. “Oftedal is right. It is not enough to build institutions. We need to be out amongst the people. Be there where they are. And, as you know, the need is unimaginable in our town just now. So we cannot do even a fraction of what we should do , even for the very poorest. Many make a wonderful effort, but I really could do with an assistant.”
Josephine could not believe her ears. “Do you really think I could do it?”
“Yes, Josephine, you are the best person I could have.”
It was as if the joy exploded in Josephine`s head. Magda`s assistant? Could it really be true? She shook her head and did not dare to believe what she had heard.
“Don’t you want to?”
“Oh, Magda, there is nothing I would like more.” Again, she threw her arms round the older woman.