In Danger Every Hour

CHAPTER TWO Twelve Years Later, 1861 Six-foot Riley McNair had a lot on his mind as he walked down Kent Street in Winchester with his wavy brown hair falling partly over his eyes. He disregarded the touch of frost on the hard grass, the leafless trees and the acorns he was crunching under his black boots. He was going to meet his friends in a few moments and he had been dreading this day for a month since he left college. Riley attended Virginia Military Institute—VMI—in Lexington up until December and now, as he walked, he realized he might never see any of his professors again. One professor in particular kept coming to mind, Major Thomas Jonathan Jackson. There at VMI, due to Major Jackson’s rigid mannerisms and harsh discipline, Riley and his friends would sometimes refer to him as ‘Old Hickory.’ Stiff, boring, old-fashioned and somewhat of an eccentric, he always seemed aloof and too abrupt when talking, even to other professors. Riley recalled discussions at school centering on Jackson and how he was the most awful instructor his classmates ever had to tolerate. Riley didn’t mind him as much as some of the others but he regretted that the Major never felt compelled to make his classes at least somewhat interesting. Jackson’s method of delivery was from rote memory. He told his students that each night before class he would stand facing a corner in his house and go over and over his lecture until he had it word for word. It was hard work for him so it was very unfortunate that, despite the effort, the lectures didn’t titillate his students at all. It drained them and eliminated any desire to learn the subject at hand. When not delivering artillery instruction or a scientific philosophy lecture, Jackson was sure fun to tease and the cadets loved to get him riled up. One time a student threw a dirt clod at him, but Jackson caught a glimpse of the prankster and put him under arrest. Riley once removed the linchpins from the practice cannon so at drill the gun rolled down the hill and scattered apart in several directions. Old Hickory was not amused. Major Jackson gave Riley and Bruce, a fellow cadet and Riley’s closest friend, hours of delight as they watched the eccentric man try to respond to events as an ordinary professor. It was no use. Jackson was a hopeless cause. Riley turned the corner and walked down the Millwood Pike. He was now just ten minutes from his destination. Riley recalled that throughout the fall term each carefree day led them closer to the sobering reality that many of the boys there would have to go to war. This point sunk deeply into them immediately after the cadets returned home from college for winter break. South Carolina seceded from the Union over three weeks ago, on December 20, 1860. Riley’s father subsequently asked him on Christmas morning if he would consider not returning to VMI until they could tell more about what the future held. Riley and his father and most of their extended family were pro-union and thought what President-elect Abraham Lincoln was trying to do to preserve the country was a necessity. They hoped Virginia would not follow South Carolina and secede from the U.S. Riley knew the consequences of not returning to Lexington to finish his studies. He could see the scowling faces of James and Isaac, his closest friends there besides Bruce, when they learned he was not going to fight alongside all the VMI cadets if war ever broke out. It was not Riley’s desire to leave and disappoint them, but he loved his country and his family more than his school. He often measured out in his mind all the founders had sacrificed for the nation paramount to the ongoing discussion of secession. These founders, men like Washington, Adams, Franklin, Jefferson, Hancock, Jay and Madison worked tirelessly for years to form a group of states into an ideal nation. And though their dream teetered on the brink of disaster at several points during the Revolutionary War they persisted in their rebellious course and found victory. Riley recognized the grit, determination and effort expended and wondered if he himself would have been found faithful to the cause. Riley was proud of the founders but not so confident in himself. Would he ever be a man like them? He wondered. The crux of the problem had to do with where he was born and what he now believed. Had he turned against Virginia, or had Virginia turned against him? Riley pondered this a moment. He couldn’t retrace with any certainty at what point he had changed his mind about slavery. There was not a conversion experience where one day he believed in something and the next day he abandoned the view and clung to something else. Perhaps the foundation of his inner view of the black race as property had been quietly and deeply sapped throughout his life while watching them in bondage. One thing Riley knew, he could no longer tolerate the existence of slavery. Riley saw his destination in between a slight haze drifting through the trees. Usually pretty self-confident, Riley despised the inner turmoil he was suffering through. The decision to stay home with his family increased his anxiety and hurt his ability to joke easily with others. He hadn’t slept well for days. Riley felt overwhelmed and devastated, especially when he thought of the upcoming break with his closest friends. He even fleetingly considered taking his own life. This thought didn’t scare him until he developed the plan for how to do it. Jonesy’s ma used some type of poison to kill the critters that attacked her garden each summer and Riley knew where Mrs. Jones kept her bottle of death. Riley, now at his destination, opened the door and stepped his lean body inside. He saw his friends on the other side of the room. He knew he needed these friends more than ever to remind him of happier times. But the very people who could lift him out of his darkness could also corrupt him. As a tiger tamer knows the danger of his cats but spends time in the ring with them anyway, Riley knew the danger of his friends yet needed to spend time with them. He just didn’t know how to keep them from attacking him when the truth came out. Riley walked across the room. They met him here at his own invitation. He wanted to tell all of them at once how he planned to stay with his family and move with them to Pennsylvania if Virginia seceded from the Union. He sat down at their table without saying a word. It was January 12th and the place Riley chose was their favorite pub on the edge of town—the Grey Goose Tavern.