That They Know Me

About five years ago I realized that, even though I had been calling myself a “Christian” for almost thirty years, I wasn’t experiencing anything at all like the people I read about in the Bible. Sure, I attended church service every week, and I read the Bible (as I had time), but my day-to-day life was stressed-out, I was buried under a mountain of debt, I seemed to get sick a lot, and I couldn’t remember the last time I felt genuinely happy. When I looked around me, all of my Christian friends were also struggling with debt, sickness, stress, and depression, too. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I knew that the Bible was chock full of promises of healing and prosperity, so I thought that if I studied the Word more, maybe I could figure out what I was doing wrong. I started carrying around a personal journal of Bible promise verses, trying to memorize them, and magically reciting them, hoping that by doing this, somehow my life would change for the better. I read that I was supposed to be an over comer, and that miracles were supposed to be following me. Frankly, I just wasn’t seeing it. I felt that I had pretty good “head” knowledge about the Bible, but it had been a really, really long time since I had seen God moving. In fact, when I really thought about it, I hadn’t felt the tangible Presence of God in my life for almost twenty years. I felt like God had just decided to go somewhere else, like Africa or China (where He was wanted). What I didn’t realize was that I had fallen into the trap of ‘counterfeit Christianity’. I was going through the motions, but it was almost like sleepwalking. My head may have said ‘Jesus is Lord’, but my heart had become overly occupied with the pressures of making a living, running a household, juggling family and friends, and all of the other important concerns that seem to take precedence in our lives. Even in the midst of all the busyness, there was always a nagging emptiness that I felt in my heart but wouldn’t quite admit to myself. The emptiness manifested in outward symptoms: I was overweight because I was always hungry for something, stressed-out because I was striving to prove that I was good enough, and in debt because I was trying to buy enough things so I would find satisfaction in my life. Then, one morning when I was reading the Bible, I came across something that Jesus said that completely changed my life: This is eternal life: (it means) to know (to perceive, recognize, become acquainted with, and understand) You, the only true and real God, and (likewise) to know Him, Jesus (as the) Christ (the Anointed One, the Messiah)… (John 17:3 AMP) I realized that, while I may have had a lot of mental knowledge about God, I really didn’t know, or understand, or perceive God in my day-to-day life. And, if I really didn’t know Him, was I really ‘saved’ at all? Or was I just fooling myself, and all of my friends at church? After all, Jesus said that eternal life was all wrapped up in simply understanding and knowing Him. Then I came across another scripture that said pretty much the same thing: You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about Me, yet you refuse to come to Me to have life. (John 5:39 NIV) I heard an interview with a young man who was preaching on the streets near New Orleans and God was moving mightily in his life. I also heard about the things that God was doing in the lives of several missionaries in Africa and China. God was still alive, and He was still actively moving and working in the lives of people who were sold out to Him. I didn’t want to just play church any longer. I hungered for the ability to have a real, living relationship with Him, to experience the love and power in my life that I had been reading about. I reached the point where I spend hours on my face on my bedroom floor crying out from my heart, “I want to know You! I want to experience Your Presence! And I will not quit or give up until I do!”