What if Our Father Were Not a Man

Overview:
This book is not a manual on child psychology nor is it about informing men regarding the intricate parameters of manhood. It contains information about the escalating obstacles during the 1950s and 1960s that concerned parents encountered in their environment. Approaches used then are still viable for the current generation of parents, grandparents, young adults, and children. In these pages, we have provided a vivid description of happy children raised by loving parents adjacent to a thriving and booming nightclub, a honky-tonk. Our intent is to motivate parents, especially fathers, to make changes in the way they experience and implement parenting so their children will have a better chance of succeeding as adults. Activities are included that will assist you in completing components of your family vision plan. The activities are easy to complete. If you follow the suggestions and guidelines, you will find your way to a vision plan that is specific for your family. If you are willing to do the work, change is on the way.
Chapter 1- Introduction: There Is a Need
Let’s begin our journey of change by taking a visit to any newborn nursery waiting area in the United States … and possibly in the world. I observed the initial scene at least thirty years ago when I was a relatively new graduate, yet it was reenacted last week or even today. Somewhere, visitors, nurses, and babies repeat the same scene. I finally arrive at the hospital. I’d thought I would be late for work, but traffic was agreeable. I race into the elevator and onto the floor where I work. Silence. That means the nursery curtains are not yet open. I have plenty of time to visit with the nurses in the newborn unit before heading to the neonatal intensive care nursery. Looking at my watch and the clock on the wall, I decide to wait with the growing number of visitors eagerly anticipating movement of the plaid peach-and-green curtains. It’s the same old expected conversations as well as expected visitors in a hospital’s nursery lobby. One man is crying with his family. Tears are all over his face. He smiles as someone hands him a tissue. Makes you smile. Another man is here with his girlfriend. They are arguing about how long they will stay. He wants to see his baby, and then they will leave. She is ready to leave now. Wow! It happens all the time. An older woman tells a disgruntled listener that she hopes the baby looks like somebody in the family. I nod a hello at her. Yes, I heard that. Other visitors meander aimlessly while engaged in conversations on their cell phones; in the past, they used pay phones. Others talk to people in decibels loud enough for everyone to hear. One man has six babies by five different women! He is just a baby himself. Another man explains to weary and questioning onlookers that he has to leave because he was headed into a meeting when he received a call from the hospital. “Tell Sandra I’ll return as soon as the meeting is over.” He adjusts his jacket collar, and off he goes; those who remain look at each other and shake their heads. So many conversations, both good and bad, that predict the future life of newborn babies. Maybe so, but then again, maybe not.
I open the nursery door to say hello, and the nurses greet me as they continue to check each baby before opening the curtains. The babies are quiet; it’s not unusual for this to occur before the curtain time. The curtains are opened. As we peer out the nursery window, we make jokes about nursing and life. We all laugh and wave to the waiting crowd. Family members press against the window; others peep around heads and point out their newborns. The father of six lightly taps on the nursery window to get his baby’s attention. His new son, positioned in the second row of bassinets, erupts with a wailing scream. Some of the babies follow suit and squirm from side to side. If they could run, some of them  would be out of their well-protected cribs. Almost all the babies scream at the tops of their lungs as though protesting: Look at that guy. What   does he know about being a father? Look at that other guy. Is he your father? What are we in for?  It only takes one crying baby to get the  entire group of them going. The crying father gets a big smile and a poked out tongue from his treasured baby girl as she moves her head to  feel the warmth of the snug blanket around her. He smiles back and points her out to his family. Maybe she knows she will be okay.
Off to work I go, leaving the nurses to attend to a room full of crying—or are they actually protesting—babies? Kind of funny when you think about it, but it happens all the time. Babies respond on queue as if to say, You’re not sending me home with these people are you?
Chapter 5
Our Family Life

Let’s Be Clear
There are basic principles of life that are quintessential, predictable, innate, and implicit components of anything you set your mind to. If there is an outcome, there has to be a process. Rules exist for every imaginable thing under the sun. I do have a point to make. For every gadget that requires assembly, 99.9 percent of the time it comes with instructions.
When learning how to play a new game, it is necessary for all players to know the rules. It is assumed that people expected to participate in any situation are familiar with the intentions of those in charge. An architect sets the layout for the design of a house or building for a contractor to follow. A chef shares menu items with staff members for synchrony of food preparation. A hospital establishes protocol for employees to follow in caring for patients. Nurses compose care plans that are computerized for all members of the health-care team in providing nursing care for patients. People in business have plans on paper or in their minds when opening businesses.
 You get my point. However, it is often the case that many parents, and those about to be parents, do not have a plan of action in caring for themselves or for their children. In situations similar to the nursery scene in chapter 1, many young people and older adults seemed confused when asked about their babies’ names and car seats or clothing for discharge. Even gadgets sometimes have instructions that cause the assembler to regroup. Parents must do the same. It is essential and paramount for optimum outcome and peace of mind for parents to be on one accord. What a profound statement; however, it is a fact. I’m not the originator of it. Nothing under the sun is cut and dry, simple, or even new.
Chapter 6
The Best Thing a Man Can Do For His Kids Is Marry a Wife

Comments:
Communicate your desires and goals before marriage. Seek premarital counseling. Don’t cloud the issue of love with a focus on physical attraction and sex. While both elements are crucial in a marriage, they cannot be the foundation for your marriage. Both desires are nebulous qualities that have an erratic life span. The horrendous outcome of that kind of union is often children who are undernourished mentally and spiritually. A child born in the middle of strife has a difficult time being creative, progressing through normal developmental stages, and excelling as an adult.
Our father married a partner who also had a dream of her future God-fearing professional children. Her beliefs were like his. He married a partner with a vision, someone with wisdom, knowledge, and understanding to share in his belief of family life. So whom did Dad marry? He married a woman described in the Bible (Proverbs 31:10–31). Dad married a wife!