Journey to Wholeness

EXERPT FROM CHAPTER 28 If there is a “secret” to healing from a traumatic loss, it is the healing of the mind, because how we think leads directly to how we feel. In the depths of grief we typically think about the great loss we have experienced. We think about how unjust the loss is and how unfair it is that we have to experience this loss. We think that the person is lost forever and we will never have contact with him or her again. We think that we will feel bad forever and will never be able to recover. We think that no one and nothing can ease our pain. We feel victimized and powerless over what has happened to us. We think that our lives will be dominated and defined by this great loss and that the loss will be the focus of our lives. We think that we may lose other things and we will not get the things we need. These thoughts lead us the two great human fears: fear we will lose what we have and the fear that we will not get what we want. These two great fears can lead us to feel depressed because we feel powerless over our current loss and about future losses and events. Now the above typical grief thoughts are quite normal in the initial stages of grief and seem to come to us naturally as part of our defense mechanisms. However, these types of thoughts become highly dysfunctional if we hold on to them and make them the focus of our lives. These thoughts are the ones that keep us “stuck in grief.” With the powerful knowledge that our thoughts lead directly to how we feel, we can then change our thinking to thoughts of healing. Changing our loss focused thoughts to healing focused thoughts is called “reframing.” We have the choice and the power to change our loss focused thoughts to healing focused thoughts. What kind of thoughts are healing focused thoughts? What kind of loss focused thoughts need to be reframed? Let’s look at a few: Loss focused thought: The person I have lost is lost forever. Reframed healing thought: I have lost contact with my loved one physically here on earth, but I am still connected with my loved one spiritually. Loss focused thought: The death of my loved one is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Reframed healing thought: The death of my loved one is painful, but the fact that I have been blessed with the presence of my loved one in my life at all far outweighs the fact that he or she died earlier than I would have preferred. Loss focused thought: No one will ever be able to help me heal from the pain of my loss. Reframed healing thought: I know that there will be people who will be glad to help me through my grief and I can be open to receiving that healing help. My thoughts will help me attract the help that I need. Loss focused thought: I will be down and depressed forever. Reframed healing thought: My feelings of being down and depressed are temporary, and I have power through my thoughts to change the way I feel at any time. I can choose to focus on the blessings in my life rather than the losses in my life whenever I want. Loss focused thought: This loss has wounded me so deeply, I am doomed to feel this profound pain forever, and no one can help me. Reframed healing thought: I can seek help for my grief, and if I work at my healing I will begin to feel better and my depression will lift. Healing starts in the mind. It starts in our thoughts. We must always remember to think about what we are thinking about. Thoughts are things. We have a choice in the thoughts we choose. We can, we must choose healing focused thoughts