Saying Yes! to Saying No

Premarital sex, unplanned pregnancies, the growing number of STDs, and the emotional baggage that comes with all of these things are the startling result of a lack of education.
My parents did not talk to me about sex. I knew that sex was supposed to be something you engaged in after you were married, but that’s about it. I can recall reading a book as a young child—I think it was entitled Where Did I Come From? It was a book written for children that describes the reproductive process from intercourse to birth. In our home the book was left available for my siblings and me to read at will, but to my recollection, it was never read to us by one of my parents. It was complete with pictures. Looking back, I see the intent of the book was good; however, without the discussion of the information learned from the text, it can be startling and confusing for a young reader.
This book has been written in an effort to share knowledge with parents about God’s design for sex in an effort to bring parents up to speed with how the world has defined sex in comparison to what purity is. I hope to share what we have learned in our journey as parents who started building the foundation for purity when our girls were five through prayer, books, and conversation starters.
Sex education is like driver’s education—you have to have knowledge and preparation in order to do either with effectiveness without harming yourself or another person. You certainly wouldn’t send a ten-year-old out to run errands for you in your car. You begin talking to them about the laws of the road as you are running errands. You use situations that come up as you are driving as teachable moments. They remember those moments when they begin to drive. Don’t think for a second that I’ve forgotten how my grandfather taught me how to parallel park with two trash cans spaced apart on the country road just in front of our house. He knew better than to let me practice in town with “real” cars because I was going to mess up a few times and even hit one or both of the trash cans in the process of learning how to situate that Buick LeSabre just right between the trash cans. So why would we set our kids out to live life without any knowledge of the dangers of sex before marriage? On the flipside why wouldn’t we want to be the ones to tell them how great sex can be in a healthy, committed marriage relationship.
We are forever a parent; the relationship just changes. I’d say talking about sex with your soon-to-be married son or daughter is still parenting and a definite paradigm shift in the relationship. But you wouldn’t wait until the night of the rehearsal dinner to say, “Hey, by the way, let me tell you a thing or two about sex.” Why would we not want to be the ones to help them define physical/emotional boundaries in their relationships? Why wouldn’t we want to be the ones they talk to about the unavoidable message the world is sending?
Please understand we are still in the midst of raising a fifteen- and twelve-year-old. There is no formula for raising children. I’m not writing these things because I think if you do just what I say your kids will be pure on their wedding day. The information I share in this book is meant to be a resource and guide for you to use as you see fit for your own individual family needs. It is truth to be shared with you and for you to share with your children as the Lord would guide you.

I have chosen to say yes to the Lord in his plan for taking the responsibility as a parent to share his truth about his plan for sex. I have chosen to say yes to develop healthy conversations with my daughters about God’s plan for their future. I have chosen to say yes to the challenges that I will face as a parent when raising my daughters against the flow of the world. I have chosen yes to believe the Lord has promised to equip me with wisdom and the tools to be the source of truth for my daughters in their growing years through puberty, adolescence, and into their young adult life. I have chosen yes to staying the course and being available to my daughters even when what I say to them doesn’t seem to matter to them. I have chosen to say yes to the Lord in my responsibility as a parent and no to delegating my job as a parent to anyone else.
I have chosen to take the heat for my daughters if they say no to something outside of their yes. I am choosing to be the “Yes, I love you” for my daughters when the world says “I reject you for saying no to premarital sex. I am saying “Yes, you can have a party at our house” when it means my daughter is saying no to the party that allows for others to compromise their boundaries as young people. I’m choosing to be the “Yes, you can set your own curfew” when I see that my daughters have said no to the things that compromise their priorities. I’m choosing to be the no in my daughters’ lives because I know there will be times when they will want to say yes but need to say no.
If you are to say yes to the Lord, then you need to be able to say no to the gods in the land where you now live. You have to choose; you have to decide; you have to say no to some gods so that you can say yes to the Lord God.
If you are still reading, then my hope and prayer is that you are saying yes to the one true God to be the parent he has called you to be in the journey of raising your son or daughter in a world that doesn’t take no for an answer often enough. Know they will want to say yes even when saying no is best for them. Remember, the Lord is your life coach. His Word is a playbook for you to use to train your children how to navigate in a world that is issuing a battle for conviction.

Chapter 3: They Are Saying It but We Are Not Hearing Them

“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”
—Deuteronomy 4:9 NIV

Eighty-seven percent of teens say it would be easier for them to postpone sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations with their parents. So, what are we waiting for? The numbers speak for themselves. Parents are living out of fear when they don’t grab the bull by the horns and educate themselves on how to be the vessel of information for their children regarding sex. Sex is going to become a part of everyone’s life at some point, so why not be the one to teach your children truth about the most precious gift we will give to someone else for a lifetime? A healthy sex life has been proven to be a part of strong marriages. If we are not talking to our children about the harmful effects of sex outside of marriage, and they are engaging in sexual behavior before marriage, then they are putting themselves at risk to be a part of the increasing divorce rates in America.