The Purpose Experiment

Listen for Your New Season

Sometimes I feel that I am in just the right place with God, with people, with me. I am centered and clear and right in the path of my destiny. But then, as life keeps happening I become unsure and a little frightened. I lean a bit off my axis and the tilt makes me dizzy. It seems as though when you have life all figured out, a new challenge comes to try you. You transition to a different place, an unfamiliar place. I think God does this to prod us to lean on Him and look to Him for the guidance we so desperately need.

I also believe God shakes things up in our lives so that we remember to place value on the right things. So many times we place value on things that just are not that important. We are tricked into thinking certain things are important because we are around others whose values are misplaced just as ours are. Our skewed thinking combined with others leaves us in a worldly place where what is wrong seems to be right, or at least acceptable. I’ve been through these slippery and dark places where wrong is right, down is up, and then in order to get my attention, God had to fix a fix to fix me. These days I am in constant prayer that I will value what is good, holy, lasting, and true.

When I originally thought about entering my ‘second act’ – the transition into the new me - I thought of this great place where I would be shiny, bright and new. Not necessarily in a spiritual way, but you know, perfect hair and nails, tailored suits, cash flowing and a great man to share it all with. Well, that must be act 2.5 because so far 2.0 has been a reality check. It has been a reminder to place value where value is due.

I now contend that my second act is about reaching out and grasping what is meaningful to the heart of God. It is about turning His head and causing Him to take a second glance when I walk by. It’s about refocusing my attention on things that truly matter. It’s simple, but it is not easy. And I can only get there if I continually listen. The only way to be a voice for God is to have my ear to His heart.

Listen for Who You Are

In our effort to please and be acceptable in the eyes of others, we place too much value and attention on things that matter little if at all. In doing this we neglect what’s truly important. Calling is important. My definition of calling is a deep spiritual desire to follow a particular occupation or line of work. For so many years I neglected to listen for my calling. I set out on my own pursuit of work and my own endeavor to make money, but all the while oblivious to the call.

I think the biggest part of me that has been neglected is the writer. I have always connected to the avid reader in me. And while I have practiced journaling and such throughout the years, the true writer in me had been pushed aside. In the last few years as I began to take my eyes off of the meaningless endeavors and place more attention on hearing God, I became more in touch with who I really am. I realized that a major way in which I process information is through writing. At times when I am facing a difficult decision I start writing to see what comes out. There are other times when I cannot quite capture what I think on a particular subject until I get my pen out and have my thoughts written and organized on paper. The written word holds deep value for me.

In 2003, quite to my surprise I became divorced. In that same year, my father, whom I loved and respected dearly, passed away. In the year that followed, I was extremely quiet. I just didn’t say much. I would laugh or listen, but my words were few. My silence was very noticeable to my friends who constantly prodded me to speak. But I had nothing, absolutely nothing to say. I came to realize that the traumatic events of my life had taken an emotional toll on me causing me to lose my “voice”. I didn’t know who I was in the world without serving in the roles of wife, daughter or church leader.

One way God restored and assured me was through writing poetry. I remember the Sunday I wrote my first spoken word piece for Rhema Spoken Word Ministry. Writing poetry helped me break through a barrier. And when we actually performed it in front of an audience, I could hear the voice of God speaking on the inside of me saying, you are mine in the world. No one can ever take your voice again because your identity is not based on your connection with other people or even the role you play in society. Your identity is based in me and who I have created you to be. Your voice is from me and it flows through you to the world. You are called to be a voice.

A few years later I found myself in a solo retreat at the beach. I decided to take that time to really engage God around “this writing thing”, as I called it. I was sheepish about sharing with people my true desire to be a writer. I felt the need to spend time seeking God’s assurance that this was the road He had for me to travel. I wrote all day and most of the night. I wrote journals, I did short creative pieces, I prayed and listened. By the time I left that vacation, I was certain I must pursue the writer’s path. I encountered the Holy Spirit in that place in a new and profound way. He revealed Himself as the Writer within me. At times I could clearly hear the Writer’s call and would find a place with pen in hand to begin pouring out all that bubbled over inside of me. Beyond all doubt, I knew God was calling me to be a part of my deepest and truest self. This revelation was a major part of my purpose and how God would use me in the world. Being a voice is not merely about speaking aloud. Books also have voice, in our thoughts.

Other areas of my giftedness that had been neglected in me included the teacher, the leader and the mentor/motivator. I wondered how I would begin to understand these roles as a part of who I was created to be. I explored these areas through reading. For me, reading has been the gateway to personal growth (The bookstore is my best friend and I never met a library I didn’t like.) So during the year that I spent fasting from television, I committed to pray, read, journal, explore and find my most authentic self.