When A Prodigal Breaks Your Heart
... the search for understanding and hope
by
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INTRODUCTION:
From the beginning of time, parents have experienced the disappointment and frustration of raising imperfect children who make unexpected choices in life. Now more than ever, those choices can have devastating consequences and parents are often swept into a pit of despair and hopelessness. This book is an attempt to relate at the emotional level with parents of prodigals. It provides encouragement, truth, and practical opportunities to reflect on ten common emotions on a journey to freedom and hope.
Chapter One: Denial
It is difficult to accept the reality that a child has taken a rebel path. Using personal examples, this chapter considers the impact of unmet expectations, misplaced blame, and rationalization. It is crucial to face the truth, knowing that God is not taken by surprise and He will sustain us during this unexpected “season”.
Chapter Two: Fear
As we learn to recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy fear, we must also distinguish between exaggeration and the reality of possible dangers ahead. The anchor for out heart is trust in the presence and faithfulness of God.
Chapter Three: Confusion
The twisting path of life can be difficult to understand. When dealing with a prodigal, there will be situations, choices, and discussions making no sense at all. In the midst of these times, we must stay connected to God in prayer, remember how past confusion has ultimately made sense, and stay connected to the prodigal.
Chapter Four: Guilt
One of the most devastating emotions parents wrestle with is guilt. Our natural tendency is to blame ourselves for the choices of our children. False guilt is a common arrow of the enemy and must be identified and diffused. God’s Truth can bring freedom and cleansing.
Chapter Five: Sorrow
Countless tears have been shed over prodigals. Snapshots of deep sadness are stored in our minds and hearts and need to be processed. God cares about our pain and sadness. He wants to comfort us and restore our souls. This chapter gives some practical advice about seeking support from the Good Shepherd and from friends and counselors.
Chapter Six: Shame
Shame is never from God – it is the fingerprint of Satan. Yet, in looking back over the journey of parenting prodigals, the moments of shame are vivid and potentially destructive. This chapter addresses our compulsive need for approval and encourages the reader to replace this need with an awareness of God’s sufficiency and sheltering presence.
Chapter Seven: Frustration
This journey with sharp twists and turns, closed doors, and U-turns can cause such frustration for the frail of heart. The natural urge to disconnect and run must be replaced by a desire to “stay in the game” and offer seeds of wisdom when appropriate.
Chapter Eight: Anger
While anger is a common, and often justified, emotion related to a prodigal’s journey, it must be diffused before it causes severe damage. David Jeremiah says if we don’t get rid of anger it can take us captive. The basis for all forgiveness is the Cross and God’s radical love can be a catalyst for healing in any relationship.
Chapter Nine: Release
Comforting Scripture is shared in this chapter to emphasize the need to find rest in God. He is the one safe place in the midst of all storms. Once we come to that place of release and surrender, the responsibility for our prodigal transfers from our weak shoulders to the competent, strong arms of the Lord. This chapter concludes with an original poem entitled, “From Squirming to Silence”.
Chapter Ten: Hope
“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness… On Christ the Solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand.” - a familiar hymn with powerful words for everyone, including parents of prodigals. There are no guarantees in parenting. Seasons will come and go, some bringing the sweetness of healing and others with heartbreaking consequences of sinful choices. The goal is to find balance and hope in the midst of it all. This chapter shares suggestions for embracing hope regardless of current circumstances.
Reflections
Throughout the years spent on a rebel pathway, both prodigals have been reminded of their mother’s love and support, and the unconditional love, forgiveness, and strength available from God through Jesus Christ. They eagerly share their perspective of this journey and the importance of support, acceptance, and perseverance.
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About the Book
By 1993, God had blessed Nancy Ferrin with six precious children. One was taken home to heaven soon after birth, but the others were her treasures here on earth. The early years were uneventful and filled with activities, family fun, and spiritual training. However, the teen years led one son on an unexpected, destructive path. Heartbreak grew when a few years later, her only daughter followed in her brother’s footsteps. During those agonizing years, God’s peace sustained Nancy as she turned to Him repeatedly for understanding and strength. Because there are countless other parents dealing with similar struggles, this book is intended to help with the confusion and uncertainty of the prodigal years.
About the Author
Nancy Ferrin is the mother of five adult children, two of whom chose a prodigal path. Her personal stories provide a backdrop for heartfelt empathy and encouragement for those who are seeking to navigate this confusing path. While there are no guaranteed answers, she provides hope-filled heartstrings to direct the focus back to God’s Word, the source of all truth. Nancy lives in Derry, New Hampshire, where she is a high school math teacher. Ministries include Bible studies, speaking at retreats and workshops, and overseeing discipleship and women’s ministries. Nancy delights in serving the Good Shepherd and desires to be His vessel of blessing.