Bitterness or Joy, Your Choice!!!

INTRODUCTION

This book reflects my journey out of the tomb of bitterness or darkness of anger and hatred. Over the years, this darkness mutated in me, transforming itself into a deep bitterness, imprisoning my soul like a shadow of sad isolation. My journey has led me out of the “valley of the shadow of death,” to a relationship with the living Christ. My story unfolds in the following pages, showing how I found relevance and healing in God’s WORD.

I never thought that escape from the tomb of bitterness was possible. To be truthful, I was not sure I wanted to let go of my anger and hate. It had become such an ingrained part of me. Now I know that the journey was well worth the price. God, through His WORD, has brought me to a place of joy and trust that makes life an exciting and beautiful experience, no matter what the outer circumstances look like!

It is important that I emphasize one thing before you begin praying through this book. I do not want anyone to use this book as a pious escape from the painful, heart-bleeding work of healing! In other words, I do NOT recommend that persons, who recently discovered they were victims of sexual abuse, just decide in their minds that they are going to “forgive” and let go of the past.

?Be under no illusion, the human will and mind incapable of deciding such a painful matter without the help of God.

Healing must be gradual to be lasting. That takes time. From my experience, I firmly believe lasting healing cannot be attained by putting the shadows of incest behind and refusing to acknowledge that the abuse still has repercussions today. Abuse has not been put behind if you live every day with inner monsters of shame, anger, hate, isolation, and envy. All of these monsters must be faced because they are the jailers that keep you imprisoned in the ugly tomb of bitterness.

Facing the truth about how we were tragically scarred is an extremely painful experience. That is why some prefer to bury the agonizing truth deeply in the hidden recesses of their minds, imagining that they can just choose not to think about it. When the memories first began to come back to me, I tried to ignore them. As a result of that choice, I caused these regrettable circumstances:

1. Before I was willing to face my memories and work through them, I didn’t live in an atmosphere permeated with true joy or lasting peace. Instead, I spent my time seeking happy moments. When they came, I tried to hold onto them as long as possible. My time was spent in workaholism to avoid feeling sad and empty.

2. Before I was willing to face my memories and work through them, I overreacted to incidents or words said to me. At times, I felt like a fool, but did not realize what consistently caused me to act that way.

3. Before I was willing to face my memories and work through them, the initially justifiable anger and hate mutated into deep dark bitterness. This left me an angry person who looked on the dark side of things.

4. Before I was willing to face my memories and work through them, the “stench” of bitterness turned me into a loner. I realized that I was not fun, and others seemed to agree, since they avoided me.

5. Before I was willing to face my memories and work through them, I found myself verbally abusing others, dumping my rage on innocent people in my life.

6. Before I was willing to face my memories and work through them, those persons who did seek me out were dysfunctional rescuers, complainers, manipulators or users.