Mr. Tedd Fredd

Tedd got to his castle on the Thursday and all was quiet until Sunday when the humans gathered to worship and began to sing and play the musical instruments. Tedd was rudely awakened out of his deep sleep. This was the first time he had heard such a din and he nearly fell from his perch in fright. In anger he asked himself "Why do these humans come to my Castle village and make so much noise? Don't they know that it's rude and unkind to wake a Bat Being in such a way?" He lowered his voice "not with a soft call or a gentle touch or anything like that". He raised his voice "But with a great noise like this!"

Tedd shouted at the humans out of fright and out of anger telling them to "shut up and go away" but they didn't speak Bat language and they couldn't understand him so all he actually did was alert them to his presence. He heard an official sounding human say "At the end of the service, I'm getting rid of that bat. They congregate and they're vermin...." This greatly angered Tedd so he shouted back "I do not congregate and I'm not vermin, whatever that is, and get rid of who - me? This is my Castle village - I was here first. You shall never be rid of me. If you anger me further I'll drop a bum bag on your head and splatter its contents all over your face. Then we'll see who will leave this Castle village!"

True to his word at the end of the service the official sounding human, together with others, tried to get rid of Tedd and he dropped bum bags on them. They dived for cover between the pews but were still easy targets. Tedd dived and screeched at them. They threw cushions at him which didn't even come close. The humans having been pooed on had multiple berry stains all over them and all together they were no match for him. Tedd evaded all attacks and as one human looked up to see where he was a bum bag made contact and the human's face was splattered with brightly coloured bat poo. "Phew! Phew!" said the human as he blindly stumbled over the others to get away, spitting as he went.

When Ted felt satisfied that he had fought a good fight and won, he went back to the ceiling and disappeared into a crack. The humans checked here and there but could not find him. They kept a look out for him for days then gave up stating, "He's gone". But Ted wasn't gone, he watched them from the ceiling and thought "I mustn't drop my bum bags in this Castle village anymore otherwise these insulting, murdering humans will forever harass me". Ted was pleased with himself for his new wisdom.

Tedd was a quick learner; he listened to many sermons over the months. The speaker, Reverend R.C.J. Whitely, said "Salvation is for all". "That includes me" thought Tedd. His favourite sermon was about the ravens bringing food to Elijah during the time of drought. His second favorite sermon was about Jesus at aged twelve asking and answering questions in the Temple.

Tedd convinced himself that when he died, if he didn't want to go to that horrible place called Hell that the humans forever talked about, he should repent of his sins. Especially the sin of dropping bum bags on the head of the official sounding human. The second sin that he thought he should repent of was leaving his cave village Phew and not returning to check on his parents, relatives and friends. Every service gathering Tedd repented of these two sins that he had convinced himself he was guilty of.

Tedd told himself that he was now a Christ follower, a redeemed Bat Being and that all was well with his life. But for some reason he couldn't stop himself thinking about one of the latest sermon he had heard titled "No Return Ticket". This had gripped Tedd's attention for he had not returned to his cave village Phew. "It was only this morning I repented of my two sins!" said Tedd, “and now one is about to find me out”. Tedd meditated, calling to mind what he had actually heard, but to his great relief "No Return Ticket" was not about returning to Phew. It was about a one-way ticket to Hell Village. It was about no one escaping from there. He was pleased it was not about returning to Phew; the thought of what it meant caused him great joy for it gave him a new, exciting idea. Speaking out loudly he exclaimed, "Not even the humans can do it!". With great anticipation of his new idea coming into being - he shrieked all over the place. He flew high, he flew low, he flew in circles. He tried backstroke flying and blindly flew into the wall. He fell on his back only to get up laughing as he thought of the great adventure and breakthroughs to come.