Sarah’s Journey of Faith

Day 12 A Placebo Arise, O Lord! Deliver me, O my God!” —Psalm 3:7a Chinese bereavement customs, at best, are grasping at air. After my grandmother’s suicide, my mother was inconsolable. Ancient Chinese custom has it that the spirits of the dead remain in our midst. We can still serve them and make a display of offerings and provide for them. My mom set out to construct a house and clothing from plum-colored paper for my deceased grandmother. She invited me to help her in the project. I could see the grief and sorrow in her face as she cut out all the several parts. My mom meticulously cut out several doll-size tops and pants for her mom, and then when the clothing was complete, she constructed a miniature house with the same paper. This project took most of the day. When all was made ready, we traveled to the field and to a large tree that served as a landmark for where my grandmother was buried. As Chinese custom dictates, we set off a string of firecrackers to announce our arrival. I will never forget the look on my mother’s face as she lovingly and painfully offered the clothes and house to my grandmother by lighting it on fire, and all the while, she wept and told Grandmother that she came to provide for her. At the conclusion of this bizarre ceremony, we lit another string of firecrackers to announce our departure. When we were preparing these gifts for Grandmother, I questioned my mother about this ancient practice. “Will Grandmother really wear the clothes?” I asked. “Will she really live in this house?” No doubt, my mom could detect the incredulity in my voice. She said she really didn’t know, but that it made her feel better. As a child, my very own Chinese traditions put seeds of doubt in my heart, and those seeds grew and bloomed in my young adult life. Religion was a placebo, something made up to make us feel better —that is, until I encountered the living God, who is bigger than life itself. He is a real deliverer and comforter to those who put their trust in Him.