Epic Families, Equipping Parents to Inspire Their Children to Know God

PREFACE

I have spent more than a decade working in church settings with children and their parents. During that time, I’ve seen it all! Most young children have an earnest desire to learn about their Creator, and most Christian parents have a heartfelt desire to see their kids become vibrant followers of Jesus. However, I’ve also seen these desires swallowed up and obscured by the busyness and worldly pursuits that beset our society in 21st Century America. Many parents truly don’t know how to teach their children spiritual truths or can’t discern the dividing line between worldly and spiritual pursuits. Life has become so complicated! I’ve seen an increased segregation of adults and children in church; in most large churches, children are frequently not welcome in adult services. Parents drop off their kids in the children’s section and generally don’t know what their kids are learning. Typically, it’s unrelated to the things discussed in the “big” church. Children’s programs have become so focused on glitz and glamor, and being the best, the biggest, the most exciting, that they have lost the ability to hear the still small voice of God. Bigger is not always better; sometimes less is more.

With all that I’ve seen over the years and all the kids and parents to whom I’ve ministered, I wanted to do something to address the trends I’ve noticed, something to help both churches and parents transition children’s discipleship back to where it belongs: the parents. This book is my attempt to shed some light on the problems I have seen, and offer suggestions to churches and parents on ways to equip parents to disciple their children while inspiring them to know, love, and serve the God who made them. I hope in some Chapter One Introduction: Children in God’s Plan

“Jesus loves me this I know; for the Bible says it’s so. Little ones to Him belong; they are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.” Sung in Sunday schools for generations, this classic children’s hymn affirms that children are special to Jesus. The chorus repeats many essential facts: the Bible is true; Jesus loves His children; children belong to Him; when they are weak, He is strong.

Many parents who grew up attending church fondly remember singing that song. They may, in fact, sing it with their own children. Times have changed, however, since the verses of that song were penned; life is not as simple. The premises that were accepted by parents and children of previous generations are no longer in force. Not only is the veracity of the Bible questioned, but many fallacies compete with biblical truths in the lives of both children and parents.

Today’s children are not raised in a bubble. Daily, they are bombarded with worldly wisdom and are tempted at earlier ages with things that would have stunned parents of previous generations. Many of these challenges come during the ages of 10-13, when pre- and young teens are especially moldable and teachable. Many studies show that by around age 14, kids’ moral development is pretty much set; their ethics are well established. Teens with strong character and grounding in their formative years tend to retain that grounding and make good choices in high school and beyond. Children need a firm foundation, established throughout their lives, in order to meet the challenges of today’s world.

The foundation built during their formative years, however, does more than develop children who can make good ethical or moral choices. Beliefs that are cultivated during the early years can either point a child to or away from eternal life. Jesus loves children and wants them to come to Him , but He uses parents and other godly adults to shepherd and point them the right way. The solution today is the same as it was 2,000 years ago: Jesus is the great hope for any given culture and the people living in it. The contemporary church has neglected one crucial premise that was held by previous generations. Jesus instructed parents to bring their children to Him, not simply to bring them to professional teachers and pastors who would teach them about Him. From Biblical times to today, God’s plan has been for families and the church to work together for the spiritual formation of the next generation.

Those of us in church ministry are increasingly seeing parents who view church as one of the “checklist items’ that they fit into a busy schedule each week. The world has become so busy that, even for pastors’ families, there is pressure to fit in social events, sports, and academic activities while maintaining an intimate relationship with God and an over-arching godly focus and worldview. I have felt this pressure myself, with my own family, and I am a pastor. In the midst of all this hurriedness, parents have looked to the church for answers and spiritual nourishment. As a result, they have forgotten how to spiritually feed themselves and their children. Many Christian parents are floundering.

In many ways, the church has encouraged this, becoming quite consumer-oriented, and developing programs and curriculums to lead children to faith in Christ. The churches with the most dazzling children’s departments are often the best attended churches in their communities. But, frequently, they are not producing committed Christ-followers. Recent surveys show that upwards of 61% of young adults will leave church. No doubt, there are many reasons for this, but the church’s unbiblical role as the primary spiritual teacher of children must certainly play a part, as must the relinquishing of this essential role by parents. The church dropout rate for teens and young adults might not be so high if true disciples were being formed. How can we expect God to bless our efforts if they are contrary to His teachings on familial discipleship?

There is a stark reality that we are faced with; many parents and churches are not passing on a living Christian faith and commitment to our children. Eventually, some who eschew their faith return, which offers some comfort, but we need to ask what it is about our faith and our churches that does not resonate with our children. In other words, what type of biblical leadership are we showing in the church and in our homes? And why is it so ineffective?

Lessons from Road Kill

God has provided me with many interesting and memorable lessons in spiritual leadership. One spring morning a couple of years ago, my husband and I loaded the kids in the car and headed out for a week’s vacation. Shortly after we had merged onto I-95, we noticed what we thought was a tire retread making its way across the highway. As we got closer, we realized with horror that it was not a retread, but a mother duck and her ducklings waddling across the busy road. There was no way for us to avoid her without endangering ourselves and others, so we took out the mother duck. The ducklings immediately stopped because their leader had stopped. The two cars behind us flattened what was left of the ducklings. Our children were crying, and my husband and I felt terrible. As I prayed and begged God for some redemptive value in this tragedy, a lesson on leadership came to my mind: those who lead had better know where they are headed; those who follow had better make sure the one they follow is going the right way.

This lesson applies not only to mother ducks and ducklings; it applies to parents as well. For much of their formative years, children put unconditional trust in their parents and elders. Unlike mother ducks, parents operate on more than sheer instinct. Made in the image of God, they possess the ability to think, reason, love, and to have faith.