Abound in Love

PROACTIVELY THINK ABOUT PEOPLE

Love is not out of sight and out of mind. Try to bring to mind family members or friends you haven’t seen in a while. Think back and remember how you felt when someone whom you hadn’t seen in a while contacted you. That phone call, email, or letter made a statement that someone cares about you and that you in fact do matter. In the same way it is a good idea to make personal connections with those who you see on a regular basis. 

One of the most important changes you must make to be a better lover is to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. We love better when we have better understanding. To do that, you must make a conscious attempt to take the time to think through what it would be like if you were the other person who was lonely, ill, depressed, poor, or abused, and to think how you would like to be treated by people. You should think that way not only about those close to you but also about strangers that may cross your path. Many of these considerations have been described in the next chapter “The People in Your Life”, to give you greater understanding and make you a better lover. 

There may have been some kind of family feud or disagreement between friends that caused a rift in your relationship. Now may be the time to rethink this rift from a loving perspective. Now may be the time to give your relationship a second chance.

Someone I knew started to experience signs of dementia due to the onset of Alzheimer’s. Sadly, it wasn’t long before his friends started to distance themselves from him. He always looked forward to his weekly get together with his friends, but one day this abruptly stopped. It was like a rejection. He was not a man who was expressive of his emotions but because I knew him, I knew that this bothered him. I made a conscious effort to make more time for him to let him know he was cared for and loved. If that were you, you would not want your friends to leave you, but rather to support you. 

Sometimes people face financial, health, or relationship hardships and they choose to withdraw from family, friends, or church. The reasons for withdrawal may be embarrassment or shame. When this happens we must attempt to reconnect the fellowship with that person and show him that he doesn’t have to be alone. 

I have gone through a period in my life when I was financially well off and another time when I experienced financial hardship. I have experienced how my relationships changed according to my financial situation. The insight I gained was profound.

During the time when I was well off, I associated with a lot of people I called friends. We would socialize frequently, visit each other’s homes, go out together, laugh, and have fun. During my well off period I was also sympathetic to the poor and disadvantaged. I made financial contributions to organizations. I would go out one night a week to help feed the poor, and felt good about myself for doing this.

However, it was during my financial hardship that my eyes were opened wide about the poor. I realized that I previously had known very little about that world. I realized that I knew very little about love. I realized that it is difficult for a person to really understand the situation of the poor without a lot of effort. 

During my financial hardship I struggled to pay for everything others take for granted such as basic food, drink, hygienic supplies, rent, and transportation. Many essentials got put on the backburner for a long time such as clothing, dentistry, eye care, and haircuts. Imagination came into play when it came to finding entertainment that was free. It is important for people to realize that even socializing has a cost and had to be minimized. It is difficult to invite someone into your home to share a meal when your cupboards are bare. And to think that there are hundreds of millions of people who are much poorer than I was. 

Many poor do not ask for help because they may be embarrassed and ashamed, or maybe they are afraid of rejection. It gets worse if the poor are responsible for other mouths to feed and debts to repay. The unmet physical requirements are augmented by the emotional stresses involved. The poor also become the brokenhearted. I realized that it takes more than passing out sandwiches on a Friday night to help the poor. 

Considering all that is involved, how in the world can the poor be helped?

Jesus came to help the needy, the poor, and the brokenhearted, in ways that are not limited to money, as will be described below.  

The important point is that we have to bring people to mind, especially those who may have withdrawn for some reason. We must try to put ourselves in their shoes, reach out, and connect.