FERTILIZER HAPPENS
A PASTOR’S FAITH, CALLING, AND JOURNEY WITH CANCER
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“Jean, may your loss be fertilizer for new growth.” ~ From a friend after my husband John’s death
The question I have kept asking of myself, and I suspect others have wanted to ask me, is: How could I not know? How could I not know that cancerous tumors were growing in three different areas of my body? Here’s the thing. Cancer is sneaky. It likes to hide and do its dastardly damage incognito. At least that’s what happened to me. I estimate that cancerous cells were growing inside of me for two years before I developed a pain in my back that finally made me take notice. Even then, my response to the pain was to explain it away. After all, I was in my late 50s and figured that any new ache was just a natural aspect of life’s progression. A twinge here, a spasm there – hey, nothing to get concerned about; just part of the privilege of growing older. Indeed, there were any number of perfectly good reasons that my back hurt: I was overweight and out of shape… I was stressed… I needed a new office chair… my mattress needed replacing… And these explanations made sense – until the pain became too great to dismiss and turned into a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer. How could this happen? Was this God’s doing? Was cancer payback for sinful behavior? A Job-like test of faith? Was it part of some divine plan that my life would be cut short? I do not believe that the God I worship is punitive or judgmental or capriciously mean. I do not believe that the God I have dedicated my life to would deliberately make me suffer and shorten my life. Rather, I believe simply that stuff happens in life. You can probably guess that “stuff” is not exactly the right word. Manure is closer. But the title of this book is not Manure Happens but rather Fertilizer Happens. Fertilizer is different than manure. If you look up fertilizer in the dictionary, it means “to enrich” or “to make productive.” Fertilizer produces something, often something better. New growth springs from fertilizer. Yes, stuff happens in life. It’s not God. It’s not “Satan.” It’s not punishment. It’s just the way life is. Stuff has happened in my life, as it has (or will) in everyone’s life. But that stuff can be fertilizer for new growth.
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About the Book
The week before Easter 2013. Rev. Jean Niven Lenk was busy preparing Holy Week observances at the church she served. But she could not ignore the nagging backache that had dogged her for months. In between her pastoral duties that week, she underwent a variety of tests. And then, on Good Friday – the most somber day on the Christian calendar – she received the devastating diagnosis that changed everything: Stage IV cancer. Overwhelmed by the sudden change in her life from pastor to patient, she found an outlet for her raw and often conflicting emotions by writing a blog about her daily experience of fighting cancer. The result is a sometimes irreverent but always authentic account of her struggle which reveals how the “stuff” she has experienced has become fertilizer for a life brimming with meaning, purpose, hope, and love.
About the Author
Jean Niven Lenk grew up in Wellesley, Massachusetts and left a twenty-year career in business to attend Andover Newton Theological School, Newton Centre, Massachusetts. She served as a United Church of Christ pastor for fourteen years before being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on Good Friday 2013. She lives in Foxboro, Massachusetts.