Looking for Love with All the Wrong Husbands

“Looking for Love with All the Wrong Husbands”

“I” Manual

Today’s the day I begin and I’m so excited. It’s finally happening. Although I’m thrilled to start on this journey with you, I have to admit it’s very daunting. Years of my life are just sitting before me, waiting. I’ve printed out my notes, rallied up all the random pieces of paper, and set them into little stacks around my office. You see, it seems like I’ve always had this obsession about writing down what I believed to be spiritually noteworthy. I wanted nothing important to be lost in thought, so down it would go with some type of writing device on some type of paper product.

As I stand in my office glancing around at all my collected works, my mind is trying to process how important they are. But I feel an underlying stir, and it’s as if these pieces of paper all have minds of their own and they’ve already made their choices as to where they want to fit.

The words the Lord has brought to me, the hope and healing He’s planted in my heart, and the revelation of His love for me, are all necessary to be included. It’s my desire this will offer up comfort to you and me. We will know that it’s all been for something. I pray all this disarray will be incorporated into a volume that within its pages holds encouragement, hope, support and worth.

You see, this manual, is about me. I understand that in the end I will have laid before you my personal life, with the secrets of the good, the bad, and the horrible. I’m not going to even try and hide the fact that this is somewhat scary for me and a little overwhelming. But I know the Lord is definitely in this and has been urging me on, showing me this is not only right, but it’s the right time. Inside my head, I keep hearing the Lord’s words, “Tell your story. Just tell your story”. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Early on I made a decision not to include any personal names. My method is not to get you caught up in personal association with my characters. I’d rather utilize them to bring you into my life of wrong choices, and the healing of a life gone dreadfully awry.

Along the way you’ll be able to pick out my peculiar habits and identify the reasoning for my decisions. My resolution for this story, was that I be open and write as I talk and feel. It’s very important that my words are me, the real me. During the process of writing, I had several occasions where I sat back and wondered about myself. How did I get so messed up? Was I more messed up than most people? If it could happen to me, could it happen to other well-intentioned people? I can only give praise to the Lord for allowing me so many chances to get it right. He is not only my daddy God, who loves me without conditions, He’s the initiator of my rest and restoration. He takes all lost things, including you and me and brings them back to life.

The healing for my emotional past has been a lengthy process but everyday I realize those memories that come back to me, no longer hold any pain. Gaining in self-confidence has caused me to take periodic looks at myself. God is so good. He gifts to you the ability to learn from the Holy Spirit in a way that He worked out just for you. Through each move forward came a new reward, a new benefit.

My story could be recounted and framed as a sad story. It could be a story of a pathetic woman who never bothered to get out of the pit she’d dug for herself. But it’s not. It’s a story of a young girl who grew up in a Christian family, with parents, sisters, friends, boyfriends, and husbands. It’s a story showing life, as it can happen when you don’t prepare with the Lord, for events designed to take you on a pathway clearly not marked as yours.

This “I” Manual reveals the truth, and it’s not pitiful. It’s awesome. It’s not sad. It’s glorious. It’s not broken. It’s firmly planted. The truth is that even before my birth, God deposited within me an available, long-lasting relationship with Him and He determined a path for me to follow. Through the years I untied a few of those cords that held me close to Him. Just like an old fairytale, those crumbs, those dropped crumbs and bits and pieces of life, are what helped me to find my way back to Him, back into safety. They brought me back under His Wings. They brought me to this place.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalms 91:4 (NIV)