The Safety Pin

Introduction

The self is a world unto itself; at times the inner world of the self becomes disoriented, disorganized, disillusioned; in that moment we feel as if we are falling apart, ‘a safety pin’ is given to hold us together.

Our Truth

At times we may find ourselves searching for the truth about our purpose and our destiny. We may be forced to align ourselves with other people’s definition of what and who we are supposed to be. The journey toward the truth about our identity is filled with distress, discouragement, disappointment, and disillusionment, yet I contend here that those are the dynamics in our lives that strengthen us. These dynamics shape and configure us into the beautiful “Living Human Document” God intended us to be. The navigation system of our lives has already been programmed for our destination. But many times, family dynamics and life’s distractions have interfered with the frequency needed for optimal spiritual growth and development.

Some of us may suffer from a lack of self-efficacy; we fail to believe in our potential. However, I believe that you hold the power to change the landscape of your life, and you can carve out a new ‘you’ and bring about a desired outcome.” God has given us grace enough to walk providentially toward our fullest potential. We have to take our power back and celebrate that victory.

Beginning of the "I’m Just Saying Women's Retreat"

Many times we have made decisions that have caused labels to be placed upon us. I began doing women’s retreats four years ago. God inspired the title “I’m Just Saying Women’s Retreat.” The name of the retreat has meaning. It suggests that women are saying something, and they need to be heard. They often express the pain in their hearts through action or attitude. They may express their joy through loud adoration or through the tenderness of a tear. Their voice seeks that place where their words have value and are validated. Therefore, these yearly retreats not only give space for women to share their inner-worlds of conversation, but the aim is to help women identify issues and prepare a path for appropriate interventions. My facilitators and I want to hear women’s stories, withholding our judgment and listening empathically.

We believe that each of us has our own narrative, and within the themes and red threads of our story are the resources that will help us with next steps forward. During these retreats, we extend the opportunity for women to reveal their ugly realities or celebrate their present victories. Many times these 'realities' are draped with high fashion and expensive cosmetics, and the current popular shade of lipstick. Or they may hide their joy because they fear that other women might reject them. In other words, there are hurting women who dress up beautifully, but the outer garment is only a cover-up for the inner pain. And there are those who may hide their beauty because of fear of not being accepted.

During the last ten years of training ministers, seminarians, and laypersons in Clinical Pastoral Education, I have been privileged to research and study various personality theorists. Within the tenets of these theories, there are kernels that have helped me to understand human development and people’s personalities. Studying these principles changed my posture of how I relate to others. Prior to my training in Clinical Pastoral Education in tandem with learning the various personality theories, I was rather quick to pass a judgment on a behavior, or make assessments on people’s interactions with me and others. I learned through my research that family and cultural dynamics shape people. The person in front of me has a story, and that story is written upon the lines of their lives and played out in attitudes, values, assumptions, and beliefs. In order to better understand a person, I learned that I needed to engage them and hear their story without presuppositions and/or coloring the story through the lens of my culture, my beliefs, or my traditions, which may be fraught with biases.

One such theory of personality is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory. Maslow lists the need for ‘safety’ as the second most important need that a person has. “These include security, stability, dependency, protection, freedom from fear, need for structure, etc.” Though here he references safety as it relates to the need to feel physically secure, I suggest here that the need extends beyond the physical need of security to the need to feel emotionally secure. One needs to feel safe about knowing that inward feelings and internal thoughts can be shared openly and honestly in an environment that offers unconditional positive regard. Carl Rogers says, “If an individual should experience only unconditional positive regard, then no conditions of worth would develop, self-regard would be unconditional…” Women need space to express themselves freely, and feel the acceptance of those who dare listen.