Porch Talk with Gramps on Parenting
A Framework for a Functional Family
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
Chapter One
Wrestling with Respect
It’s chilly on the porch this morning. Can you feel it? I’m plugging in the teapot right now; water heats up rapidly, cools off a little slower—the way human emotions work. Instant coffee suddenly froths and fumes when I teaspoon it into the water in my mug. Likewise, foolish comments directly change the atmosphere at home into something dark and churning. Have you experienced such changes?
Ever wonder why the froth of old fools doesn’t readily subside? They continually reject the truth. Fools start simple and become stubborn because they increasingly refuse to repent when challenged by the truth. First, the truth bombards their consciences, and then they bump into the consequences of their bad behavior. Nevertheless, I respect them, even though they live pathetic lives.
Yet I also respect young simpletons, even though they live pitiful lives. They too carry foolish notions because they reject the truth, but they have hardly begun to get beat up for it. I respect fools and simpletons because Jesus did; case in point, Judas and the disciples. Fools and simpletons live pathetic and pitiable lives, but a heart of compassion overrides contemptuous treatment.
Not all old people are senseless. Not all young people are silly. Yet I respect them all, not because of what they try to become or how hard they try to perform, but because of who I am and what I choose to do for them. These days I look at respect differently than when I was young. I no longer dole out respect only to those I deem worthy of it; it’s something I show to everyone because of who I am in Christ.
People wonder how I can respect foolish people. Well, I make a distinction between who they are and how they behave. I had you consider the froth of fools because foolishness is never respectable. While I reject foolish behavior, I respect foolish people, and if I can respect a fool, I can respect anyone. If you can’t respect foolish people, you will drive away your children. Children find foolishness compelling.
Foolishness is an unspiritual response to an event in life. It is football with me as quarterback and God on the bench. The heart of a child looks for ways to express foolishness. That is why children must be regulated. For regulation to be meaningful, it must be reinforced with appropriate consequences. An appropriate response to foolish behavior is painful punishment, because folly produces pain in others.
Respect has to do with how we treat people. Harmony happens when each person respects the rest. Yet reciprocal respect cannot be controlled by judges who hold everyone in contempt of court. Heavy-handed attempts to regulate relationships inevitably break down, and we invariably need wisdom from above to be tender-hearted and truly gracious.
Unwise people assess worthiness of respect by such things as appearance, possessions, prominence, or performance. Once people assess others, they naturally treat them accordingly. Hence, humans define respect—in a working way—as something people must earn according to how well they measure up. Consequently, we dole out respect in differing degrees to those we judge worthy of it.
However, it’s worth asking: do we have the sensitivity, objectivity, and discernment to judge in the first place? Judgmental parents even hold obedient children in contempt for their feeble attempts to please their ever-growing expectations. If we believe respect is something we earn, we typically dispense it in differing degrees only to those who please us.
Such natural notions of respect
Stem from a desire to scrutinize
Features and qualities of others
And mistreat them accordingly.
Such natural notions of respect
Form the basis of our affections
Involving elements of inequity,
Discrimination, and intolerance.
Such natural notions of respect
Harden parents in hatefulness,
Crush children with criticism,
And fracture the family with strife.
Spiritual respect is not something Christians show only to those who deserve it. Spiritual respect grows from a Scriptural understanding of how Jesus would treat people as the Spirit of God trains us by His grace. Children also catch a lot by way of example. If parents are disrespectful, children will catch it like a cold. If parents are gracious, children will bask in it like the beach on a sunny day.
“…but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect…”
Points to Ponder:
1. Choices govern how we express respect better than feelings.
2. Compassion yields insight into the struggles of the senseless as well as the silly.
3. Judgmental attitudes and contemptuous treatment cancel respectfulness.
Questions to Consider:
1. What makes it so hard to respect foolish people while rejecting foolish behavior?
2. Why do children find foolishness so compelling?
3. Why were Jesus and children so drawn to each other?
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
Porch Talk with Gramps on Parenting presents a unique way of instructing parents in story form how to successfully raise children, even in a corrupt culture.
“Mike Loehrer harvested a lifetime of learning and listening to the heart of God to pen his latest book. This combat veteran fully fathoms man’s inhumanity to man yet forsakes bitterness by continually asking the Lord Jesus Christ to guard his heart. The result is that countless numbers of us feel safe with him, trusting that what he writes and teaches is truth empowered by the Word of God and prayer. Porch Talk with Gramps on Parenting spans the felt needs of generations, providing a valuable resource for all who struggle with family relationships … and who doesn’t?”
—Mrs. Ted (Jo) Stone, Family Life Resources, Tehachapi, CA
Porch Talk with Gramps on Parenting is tightly written in brief chapters for today’s busy parents. It is an unusual instructional book, reducing timeless truths to proverbial principles with everyday imagery. All parents need to know how to create a supportive atmosphere at home where children welcome parental training.
About the Author
Michael Cannon Loehrer has served in pastoral ministry for thirty-five years. Michael has been married to his wife Paula for forty-three years. They presently have ten children and ten grandchildren. Dr. Loehrer received a bachelor’s degree in history from California State University–Fresno, a ThM from Dallas Theological Seminary in Historical Theology, as well as an EdD and a PhD from Biola University in Christian Education.
Pastor Mike currently serves as Associate Pastor of Bear Valley Church in Tehachapi, California. In addition to Porch Talk with Gramps on Parenting, He has also published Egoless Elders by WestBow Press and How to Change a Rotten Attitude by Corwin Press.