Unnatural Desires

CHAPTER ONE

The Dark Closet I can still remember when I was two years old, the shiny brown wooden floors, and the stairs that led to the back yard, the white walls in the living room, and the big picture window that I often looked through. But most of all, I remember the door that led into the dark closet. I recall clearly the dark closet and the familiar voice of a man saying to me,” You better not tell your mother and dad.” The hair on my arms began to rise. I was terrified. My face turned pale fearing what he would do to me if I said anything to my parents. “Okay, I won’t tell!” I said. I was trembling like a leaf on a tree. Fear gripped my heart as his tall body towered over me like a giant. He grabbed my face. He pulled my face toward him. I began choking, I couldn’t breathe. My windpipe was obstructed, jammed. I started gasping for air. I needed oxygen. I began hyperventilating, shivering uncontrollably, and burst into crying. Now I was really afraid. I wanted him to stop making me choke, to leave me alone. I just wanted to be left alone and for him to get lost. I wanted to go somewhere; anywhere to hide but there was nowhere to hide and no one to turn to. This man just happened to be someone dear to my heart. Someone whom my mother trusted. I guess none of my siblings, were home that day. Since I was youngest child, I suppose they could have been in school and my dad at work. Nonetheless, I remember being too afraid to utter one word to my parents. Fear was gripping my heart and at that age I probably wouldn’t have known how to put into words. The familiar man, had made it clear that I better not tell or else I was going to wish I hadn’t said anything. All I know was that I was not going to mumble a word. I totally blocked it out of my mind because I was scared of this dear one. Everything that happened in the dark closet vanished from my mind. Somehow all that I suppressed down in the chambers of my heart was still very much alive but hidden from the natural eyes. Gen 16:13 “You are the God who sees me” for she said, I have now seen the one who sees me.” “Beer-lahai-roi (which means well of the living one who sees me). The all-seeing God, the one who sees” looked right into the recesses of my heart and knew that he had appointed a time to bring forth my healing. The Holy Spirit saw what happened in the dark closet. The Lord did not forsake me but he vindicated me; by bringing to my remembrance what transpired many years ago. What was done in the dark had to be brought to the light and exposed. I can now face the issues of my heart. Luke 8:43 “the woman with the issue of blood who had an issue for eighteen years. I found my redemption through forgiving the familiar man. God healed woman with the issue of blood.” This is no longer an issue for me thanks be to God who always causes me to triumph.