No, You’re Not Crazy!

Today I noticed the sunrise. What an inexplicably beautiful spectacle it was as it pierced the mahogany sky. I have seen it, I am sure, hundreds of times before; but today I did much more than see it. I noticed it. I absorbed it. I took a picture of it, and I even pondered: How could anyone not believe in a God who could create something so massively spectacular?

Oftentimes, when we are so consumed with life, we fail to live. We fail to notice the amazing beauty that life has to offer and most tragically we fail to appreciate being alive. The pains that we suffer can seem so overwhelming that we become incapable of even noticing the little miracles that we come across each and every day. I honestly believe that daily the higher power attempts to reveal Himself in a way that gives us a sneak peak at our destiny and what we should really be doing in life. Unfortunately, however, the mental and physical pains often choke the life out of the goodness that each day reveals. I lived about eight minutes from the beach and had become so overwhelmed by problems that I failed to appreciate or enjoy nature’s magnificence. Life was on cruise control. I woke up in the mornings, made sure the kids had lunch money for school, rushed them out of the house to catch the bus, brewed my morning coffee, showered, dressed, made lunch for work, grabbed my things, fought through traffic, arrived at a stressful job, fought to meet quotas, and ended the day by rushing home fighting through traffic again, rushing to fix dinner so I could relax, undressed, powered on my computer to complete my freelance jobs, answered emails, watched a bit of television, worried about all the problems I faced, fell asleep, and got up the next morning to start all over again. Whew! My day was as jumbled as the sentence you just read. What a massive mess!

So one morning I awoke and thought to myself, Today I am going to take a moment to notice my surroundings. I am going to notice the beautiful sky, enjoy the wonderful weather, and take a moment to actually realize that I am indeed…alive! But why hadn’t I taken notice of my surroundings and why the walking zombie? I was mad! I was mad at the circumstances that led up to the various crises I was being forced to endure, I was mad that as a single mother I felt inadequate, I was mad that I had been so naïve in many of my life’s decisions. My madness was literally driving me madly insane with bitterness. How is one to overcome such anger? Take responsibility for past mistakes and take the initiative to do better. I realized that I’d remained stuck in one place for too long…a pattern that constantly landed me in over my head. I remained at dead-end jobs too long for fear of further financial instability. I remained in dead-end relationships out of undeserved loyalty to those who were not reciprocating my willing sacrifices. I covered my head and fell into deep depression when it all became too overwhelming; and in doing so, life continued spiraling out of control. It wasn’t until I gained the courage to face my mistakes and the ruin that lied around me that I could notice the goodness mingled beneath the relentless rubble. How is rubble relentless, one may ask? Rubble is relentless when it fails to just lie on the ground as a reminder of what once existed. Instead, the smoldering of relentless rubble never seems to cease. It continues to serve up the stench of past pains and present mistakes and future failures. It is only when one decides to place more emphasis on the goodness and the potential for success that he or she can get past this awful stench and smell the victory being hidden beneath the fear of defeat. Driving down the highway one day, I turned off the radio and began talking to the Creator. “Why am I so unhappy?” I asked. And immediately the answer was revealed. “The same amount of faith that you are placing in fear, use that energy to put your faith in Me.” Whoa! I was reminded that I’d already been given the tools needed to succeed. I just wasn’t using them to my advantage. I don’t know how something so simple and self-explanatory could have become such a revelation. It was yet another sign of how far I had allowed myself to drift from the Father. Why do we allow our bitterness to turn us away from those who love us the most?

I am sure that you, the reader, like me—the writer of all these common-sense theories— have heard all of this before. I remember hearing good advice over and over again: “Take responsibility. If you don’t like where you are, get up off your can and do something about it. If you don’t like where you are, change where you’re going!”

It all sounded good, but at the same time, all I heard was…blah…blah…blah. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried. It seemed, however, every time I made two steps forward, something would come along and knock me right back down to square one. I became so frustrated that again and again I gave in to the things that were causing my own demise. Can you relate? When I became too tired to fight, I took the easy way out or sometimes even ignored the problems altogether until they were too great to overlook. I leaned on things that were unsteady and time and time again, my unsteady pillars and I both went tumbling to the ground. That is, until I decided it was truly time for a change. And that is what I will share with you. (excerpt from Chpt 2)