The Window

Be Still and Know That

I Am God (Psalm 46:10).

DAY 1: The phone rings. If you could know what lies ahead for you from one day to the next, would you really want to? To be honest, I don’t think I would. In fact, I probably would fight it kicking and screaming. Yet, as I look back now, the days that we were about to go through have forever changed me. God has forever changed me.

DAY 2: It was a cold winter day—the coldest we’d had in ten years, they said. As I was sitting in the hospital cafeteria, I couldn’t help but think, How did we get here? Wasn’t it less than two weeks ago that we had celebrated Christmas? It had been a joyous time with family and friends, but there was nothing joyous about what was happening now.

Wasn’t it yesterday that I spoke with my daughter Stacey? I thought everything was fine, but that wasn’t true. As I sat in the hospital cafeteria, my daughter was lying in a hospital bed in the ICU. Nothing can ever prepare a parent for that.

Just yesterday, as I was getting ready for church, I had been listening to one of my favorite preachers on TV. He was talking about God’s sustaining grace. I couldn’t help but be drawn into everything he was saying. It was like God was saying, “Debra, pay attention. You’re going to need to recall every word of this sermon.”

It was definitely God’s grace that got my family through those thirteen days. It was his grace that paved a way for us, even though I didn’t yet understand what he was doing.

I can remember the preacher on TV saying it’s God’s grace, which none of us deserves, that releases his supernatural strength within us when we go through hard times. His grace ignites within us the determination to keep going no matter what.

Prayer: Thank you, God, for your unending grace that you give us daily. It’s your grace that sustains us and helps us in our time of need. Even now, as Stacey is in the hospital with a terrible case of what we think is just asthma, your grace is going before us to provide all that she needs. Thank you, Lord.

You would have to know my daughter Stacey. When she graduated from high school, I wrote a letter to her from her dad, George, and me telling her she was our ray of sunshine. From the minute she came into this world, she was always smiling, always laughing, and always talking. I once told her she could carry on a conversation with a wall and it didn’t matter that the wall couldn’t talk back; she had enough to say for the both of them.

Stacey had asthma since she was a child and was hospitalized several times when she was young, but she never let that get her down. She was a spitfire from the start, and you couldn’t tell her that she couldn’t do something because then she would go and do it.

I laugh thinking about when she was in kindergarten. I went to her classroom once, and on the wall was what every child wanted to be when they grew up. The list included doctors, nurses, firemen, mommies, and daddies. When I finally found Stacey’s artwork, I just laughed. None of those other occupations were good enough for her; my daughter wanted to be a queen. That was our Stacey.

Then there was the time her elementary school had a talent show. As all the parents waited for their little ones to come out and perform, I wondered whether Stacey would truly perform what she had practiced. Sure enough, out came my daughter

dancing to MC Hammer. She didn’t care what everyone else was doing; she was going to dance her little MC Hammer legs off . Again, that was our Stacey.

Her asthma didn’t get her down when she was a cheerleader or drill team dancer or when she roller-skated in competitions. She always had a determination to do whatever she wanted and to succeed at whatever she did. I now believe that was a character trait God gave her for times such as this hospitalization. She was going to need that strong will and determination to fight for her life. But we didn’t know how tough this fight would be.

I remember when Stacey’s dad and I got the phone call from her husband, John David that she was in the hospital. We were concerned, but she had been hospitalized several times when she was a little girl for asthma, and we didn’t think this was any different. Yet when I saw her, I quickly realized it was indeed different.

As she lay there trying to appear cheerful, she struggled for every breath she could take. The doctors had put an oxygen mask on her because she was having such difficulty breathing on her own. As I looked into her face, all I could think was this time was definitely different. But I felt God speak to me the words, “Be still and know I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Prayer: I am still, Lord — more like paralyzed, though. But you alone are God.

As my husband and I went home we thought she would improve by the next day. In situations like this one, you tell yourself everything is going to be fine, but then your mind wanders into those areas of fear and doubt. That was what George and I were feeling.

It’s hard to relax and go to sleep when you know your child is in a bad place. I can understand now what parents go through when they sit by their child’s bedside feeling helpless and afraid. Yet looking back, God would not let me stay in that place for long. Each time I felt myself slipping down the path of fear and doubt, God was there with a verse or a word from a dear friend to reassure us he had the situation under his control.

We had so many precious friends and family members praying for Stacey and our family. I truly don’t see how people can get through hard times without God on their side. But the days ahead were going to test our faith.

DAY 3: I got up early that morning, wanting to get to the hospital as soon as visiting hours began in the ICU. I couldn’t wait to see Stacey’s face. I just wanted a glimpse of her feeling a little better, but when I got there, she wasn’t. Stacey tried to smile, but I knew she was scared too.

They had put a full-face mask on her because she needed more oxygen. I could see her chest moving up and down with such force as she seemed to struggle harder for every breath she could get. The doctors were testing her for everything, including pneumonia and even swine fl u. Her chest X-rays showed her condition was getting worse.

I didn’t want to leave her bedside. When I did have to leave because of medicine changes or nurses attending to her needs, I would pace the hallway. There was a window at the end of the hallway where I could feel the warmth of the sun’s rays coming through. I gravitated toward its bright rays, as if God was beckoning me to come into his presence. Again I could hear him say, “Debra, be still and know I am God.

Prayer: Okay, Lord, I know you’re God. Help me; come quickly to help my daughter.

There’s not a lot to do in a hospital when you have to leave your loved one’s room. The ICU had certain visiting hours, and the nurses were just wonderful to let our family stay longer than we were allowed. One time the nurses came in to do some medicine changes and said I needed to leave, but my response was, “I’m not going anywhere!” I don’t remember saying that, but a nurse later told me they knew not to mess with a concerned mama.

As I walked the hospital halls between visiting hours, I saw a lot of concerned mothers. A Bible study I participated in helped to occupy my mind and keep me in God’s Word calming my fears.