I Ran, but I Couldn't Hide

I was somewhere between six and eight years old, it’s hard to pinpoint. The school I attended in Appleton, Wisconsin, was right across the street from where I lived, so I walked home from school on my own. Nevertheless it was no short stroll for a little kid, especially when required to use sidewalks and crosswalks.

I have a pretty vivid memory of an incident that scared the dickens out of me. I was walking down the sidewalk halfway home when I heard someone behind me yell, “Hey!” in a voice that was menacing, or at least that’s the way I perceived it. I turned around to see a single student walking about twenty feet behind, someone I didn’t know. He was clearly younger and definitely smaller than me, yet he must have been convinced that he could and should beat me up. I’m sure of it because he said something to that effect, though I can’t recall the words. I do remember that somehow he looked and sounded tough, a word that I don’t think had ever been used to describe me.

I do remember the terror. I remember a lifelong pattern of avoiding conflict emerging already then. I definitely remember wanting to run and hide. I remember breaking into a sprint and eventually getting knocked down. And I remember looking up at him not in anger but in stark fear. Apparently that was enough for him, because he walked away. I ran home bawling and poured out my story, probably sounding like a kid scared of his shadow.

It’s fear of course that makes us want to flee. Fear paralyzes us. Fear comes from the unknown. Asking for a date, asking for a raise, confronting someone who is doing wrong. Fear makes us flee situations, problems, conflicts, life.

For Jonah this included immediate physical flight. For him, this was the best way to feel good. He fled straight to the nearest port to get on the nearest ship to Anywhere. The way he saw it, once aboard a boat, he bore no more responsibility. That would soothe his guilt feelings. Even if he changed his mind, the itinerary of a voyage is generally quite established by departure time. One cannot get a ship’s captain to simply spin the vessel around for a temporary detour.