Seasons of Life

Each look into the law shows him less good than he ever imagined. His mind races to construct excuses for his failings. He finally attributes them to the foolishness of youth and determines to do better going forward. Yet he wonders whether future obedience will atone for these past failures. Is there a record somewhere waiting to be read, he wonders, that will disclose to all the depths of his hidden wickedness? As his guilt and fear grows, he searches the commandments again for just one that he has not broken; one which he might hold to completely. Instead he finds one that will not leave his mind; one that is most troubling in that it says, “Thou shalt not covet.” Certainly God is being unreasonable here, he protests inwardly. Can anyone ever control such thoughts as to never desire something which is not your own? Surely God is unfair, he reasons, to ask of man that which he cannot perform. He knows that in his lifetime, there have been countless multitudes of things and even people for which he has longed, knowing that they were not his to have; and yet never had he considered that even these thoughts in themselves, apart from any actions were displeasing to God. Indeed he had not known lust to be in his life, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. (Rom. 7:7) The indictments piling up against him seem innumerable. Many a man at this point will turn back again to his own solitary ways, certain that God is indeed in error; too proud to consider that he himself is the reason for failure, but a few will continue to be drawn by Him The now discomfited man, his attempts to justify himself by the commandments failing, shoots forth branches of feigned spirituality. He longs for a deeply Spiritual experience to wash away the guilt within and to give him the sense of acceptance and approval he craves. The more mystical and magical, the more he imagines it to be pleasing to God. Lights and music add to the ambience while, chanting and swaying seem to him the purest forms of worship. The reading or studying of God’s word appears only dead and lifeless to him, being unaware that the words themselves are Spirit and life. (Jn.6:63) Gauging the spirituality of his religion by his feelings, he seeks after something to stir him and arouse his faith. He craves power and excitement. Just as in the garden, he desires to be as a god, with all the powers of God. Anxiously he attempts to summon from the depths of his will, supernatural abilities beyond his human limitations, but disappointment seems the only thing he can muster. Secretly, he wonders if the demonstrations of great spiritual endowment experienced by those around him are genuine, for he feels foolish and insincere in his own efforts and at times manipulated. Although the lights, music and dramatic preaching along with the persuasive suggestions at times overwhelm him clouding his reason, an unsettled feeling will not allow him to abandon rational thought entirely and give himself over to the control of his emotions. He has watched as others have, and have been worked into emotional frenzies culminating in fleshly displays. More than once, he has even considered attempting some of these, longing to fit in, but knows it would be only of himself, not truly the Spirit so he watches, wondering. He fends off accusations of faithlessness from without as well as from within. Many a man at this point will sadly, settle for such an appearance of godliness, accepting these fleshly experiences as though they are Spiritual, endlessly quenching the convictions of Spirit against of such falseness. Few there are that long for more. One such man searches deep within his heart; hoping to find the tiniest glimpse of faith and communion with God. He finds instead only darkness. He is most miserable, as it seems nothing is able to ease his guilt. For within his heart are only evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders. (Matt. 15:19) He consents that his religion is one of imagination only. What shall he then do? If he has no righteousness of his own and his works cannot make him whole, if his spirituality leaves him empty and wanting, if he cannot keep the law, and even in the keeping of the law, there being no way to pay for sins already committed, then in himself he is utterly undone and without hope. He wonders how it is that prior to seeking the law, he dwelt comfortably in the darkness of his imagination, even loving the darkness, where he convinced himself that he was alive and well in God’s sight, and able to stand before him. When the truth of the law came in, it brought with it the harsh light of reality. He found that the law instead of justifying him and guaranteeing his eternal life as he had believed exposed the sinfulness of his sin and condemned him. The law which he thought to be life for him became death; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful. (Rom. 7:10-13) For by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin. (Rom. 3:20) His heart in anguish cries, “O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this sinful body of death?” (Rom.7:24) For even when he would try to do good he now sees that evil is present, and being unable to do any good, the evil that he determines not to do is the very thing which he inevitably does. He sees then that the law being holy and just and good, is unchanging while he himself is double-minded and unstable. He consents finally that the law is good, and that he is only wicked through and through. (Rom. 7:15-16) The Hearing of Faith God’s law having performed its work, convincing him of his sin and leaving him no more able to argue against God, leaves him guilty before Him. Humble, contrite and repentant of his self-righteousness and dead works, he now turns to God willing to be reconciled to Him and to hear the words of life which minister faith unto him. Wandering out of the darkened twisted trail of confusion he finds himself finally on a straight path prepared for the Lord. His mouth stopped, he begins to take in God’s word. It pierces his heart, again and again as he hears of his condemnation before a holy God. The punishment for his sins, separation from God in a flaming Hell, he now sees as just and deserved. His broken heart, in agony mourns over his past and his lost condition, seeing how his sin has separated him from God. He wonders how he will ever find peace with God. His heart melts within him as his sorrow and anguish endure beyond what he thinks he can bare. This is where God meets him, and is ever ready to show him mercy. He hears finally the good news of the gospel, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures. (1 Cor. 15:3) He knows that he has heard it all before, but this time, somehow it’s different. It just might be the answer to everything. It seems as though God has shined a light into his darkened understanding and given him new eyes to see this glorious truth. He wonders how it can possibly be that he did not see it before, how it seemed foolish and even insufficient to him, that the sinless Son of God had suffered and died to pay for his sins. He thinks back over his life, wondering how he could have ever neglected so great a salvation. He remembers now the first time he heard the gospel of salvation through Jesus Christ. In a moment of shame, facing painful consequences for a wrong committed, he had heard the message of forgiveness. The message seemed to speak to him alone. “How can this preacher know so much about me? Did someone talk to him & tell him all of my secrets?” he had wondered.He listened intently and marveled as he heard that the gift of forgiveness could be his for free.