Undeniable Connections
My Adoption Story of Sacrificial Love and Redemption
by
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Epilogue
As I walked over to my birth Mother’s casket and laid my hands on it, the grief was overwhelming. Uncontrollable sobs wrenched through my body, matched by a great deep sorrow. I couldn’t leave her graveside. This grief grabbed my soul in such a way that it caught me by surprise and yet it seemed vaguely familiar. My heart had been broken like this before…but when? As I cried, I couldn’t help but sense the familiarity of this grief deep down in my soul. It wasn’t until my husband helped me into our car and we began to drive away that I finally recognized this heartache. I believe that it was when I was taken away from my Mother at birth. Could it be that a tiny newborn could grieve and mourn for the Mother that never held it? Is it possible that this baby would cry for days because the familiar voice and heartbeat that was her world suddenly was gone? I now believe the answer is “yes”.
Chapter 19
Forgiveness
After my Mother’s funeral, I had been listening to many Bible teachings and they all seemed to be on forgiveness. I heard how we need to forgive because we have been forgiven. I honestly wondered why these lessons were coming across my path because I didn’t feel like I was harboring unforgiveness at all. It seemed like wasted time until I realized God was leading me down a pathway of healing and I needed to listen closely.
Throughout my life, I have been presented the blessings of my adoption. My Mother loved me so much that she wanted a better life for me than she could provide. Even though it broke her heart, she gave me to a loving couple who were praying for a baby. I’ve rehearsed the words throughout my entire lifetime and I have celebrated this decision over and over. It wasn’t until listening to these lessons on forgiveness that the Holy Spirit helped me realize that I need to forgive my biological mother. You see, deep down inside my heart was a girl who wondered what was wrong with her. I knew the circumstances, I understood the loving sacrifice my biological mother made, but still…I was abandoned; given away. Four children were ‘kept’ and I was the one given away. I was driving up to the Pregnancy Center where I volunteer when I realized that I actually need to forgive my biological Mother. All those secret dark years of feeling like a failure overwhelmed me and I realized that I needed to release her as well as myself by uttering words of forgiveness. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I said, “Pauline, I forgive you. I forgive you.” I can’t begin to explain the freedom, as if a huge weight was pulled away from my heart. Joy has taken residence where unspoken dark questions had once resided. My heart is light. I am free.
Psalm 136:
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him who alone does mighty miracles.
His faithful love endures forever.
My Paraphrase of Psalm 136
Give thanks to Him who loved a single Mother.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for a Mother’s love for her unborn baby.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for a Christian doctor.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for a barren couple,
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for adoption.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for tears of separation.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for the love of a Mom and Dad.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for salvation.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for family.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for orphans finding forever families.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for brothers, sisters and cousins,
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for a heavenly home.
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for tearful “Good-byes”
His faithful love endures forever.
Give thanks to Him for joyful reunions in heaven.
His faithful love endures forever.
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About the Book
In August of 1958, after a refreshing swim in Lake Michigan, a young couple suffering from infertility issues received the call that would change their lives forever. As the happy couple drove from Michigan to Marion, Indiana, to pick up their daughter, the baby’s birth mother sobbed as she shakily signed the adoption papers. Although her daughter had already left her body, she never left her heart—sealing a connection that would endure until her last breath.
Linda Beggs shares a compelling story of raw feelings and an undeniable bond as she details how she searched for familiarity and yearned for connections throughout her life after she was adopted at birth. Despite growing up in a Christian home with loving parents, Beggs describes how she confronted abandonment and identity issues, along with an increasing curiosity about her biological mother. After two attempts to find her birth mother failed, Beggs buried her feelings—until her persistence finally led her to meet her biological mother, acknowledge her emotions, and receive insight and healing through God’s grace.
Undeniable Connections reveals one woman’s journey through adoption as she comes to terms with her emotions and, through God’s wonderful plan, finds beauty in the ashes.
About the Author
Linda Beggs, who was adopted at birth, has spent many months at Lily of the Valley Orphanage in Chihuahua, Mexico, working as an adoption liaison while living with orphans. She loves encouraging birth mothers and families in adoption to use undeniable connections for God’s glory. Linda currently lives in Michigan with her husband. This is her first book.