Who Will Love Me?

“Always turn the hearts of the people toward me” is the commission God gave me. He is the One who truly understands and knows all things.

It is a fact that you cannot make a person love you. All your needs cannot be met by a human being. Looking for others to make you feel good about yourself is unfulfilling and miserable. When the foundation of your very existence is based on the approval and acceptance of other people, your life will be full of pain, rejection, and disappointment. Fear of rejection and disapproval can cause you to become a people pleaser, which is binding and paralyzing. Who Will Love Me? is based on my life experiences and the process I went through to be fulfilled. The Spirit of God taught me how to enjoy my life. It has been a journey!

As a young girl, my emotions deceived me into thinking that my dad was not my biological father based on the lack of emotional support I felt I needed from him, which he did not provide.

As a young woman, I wanted to escape life. I became suicidal, experiencing suicidal thoughts daily, but I had no definite plan of how to carry out the act. I also could not stand to look at myself in the mirror because I was uncomfortable in my own skin due to being overweight. When I accepted Jesus Christ into my life, my mind was set free of the suicidal thoughts. God answered the question of my heart, “Why was I created?” I was created to praise, to worship the Lord, and to glorify Him. Life became worth living!

During my first twelve years of salvation, the Lord taught me about His ways and His love for me. He allowed me to have insight into many under-the-surface and behind-the-scenes situations that occurred in my surroundings, which no one else seemed to see. I learned to stand alone and not follow the way of the majority. I’ve learned that the majority does not always rule and is not always right.

In the middle of a trial, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “Judge nothing before the time,” which I later discovered was a scripture (1 Corinthians 4:5 KJV). These words changed my life and my perception.

As human beings, we’re prone to premature judgments and forming unfair opinions of others and their situations. We often judge people by appearance and hearsay, having bits and pieces of information but never knowing the full story.

After twelve years of walking with the Lord, I had to come face-to-face with childhood issues I never knew I had. One major issue I had to face was that I often looked to others for approval, for a sense of self-worth, and for happiness. It was clear to me that I lacked self-confidence; I felt crippled. Many times, I felt powerless under men who had strong authoritative personalities, but the longer I live, I have encountered women who have the same type of strong personality and even stronger. I knew I had rights and choices, but I did not know how to exercise these God-given privileges without the fear of displeasing those around me. I felt so insolated and overwhelmed with inner conflict by not knowing whether my perception was valid, but I knew I was entitled to my own opinions despite the surrounding voices and opinions that were louder than my own. There were times when I felt rejected and misunderstood, and often I was perceived by others as being weak and naïve.

The challenge of my many experiences was respecting the thoughts and opinions of others without doubting my own thoughts and opinions, especially when every fiber of my being gave me a different view. “God, why was I made this way? If I could just think differently!” This was the cry of my heart. I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t have a name for it. It’s not comfortable or easy because it often puts me at odds with those around me. Often when things happen, my perception goes beyond the surface. I see the cause and the effect: the what, the when, and the how.

I’ve concluded, with the help of a longtime friend, that this is how God made me. Though I considered it a flaw, this insight is a gift from God. I have learned to embrace it; this gift is not just for me but for the body of Christ. I also know that people don’t always want to hear my perspective because, most likely, it will go against their grain. Oh no, here I go again, I think when opportunities come for me to voice my opinion. I ask God for wisdom for when to say something and when to just keep my mouth shut. Have you ever been asked for advice, but after you gave it, the person became angry and refused to ask you anything else?

When God becomes our source of emotional fulfillment, we have no need to totally look to people, sex, drugs, alcohol, or our profession to meet our deepest needs. A personal relationship with the Lord is irreplaceable, and He supplies all our needs. His grace is sufficient!

Even on our best days, because we are human, we may hurt and let people down. However, as long as we live, we cannot escape getting hurt and being disappointed. The Word of God says that “offences will come” (Luke 17:1 KJV). “For it must need be that offences come” (Matthew 18:7 KJV).

I thank God for forgiveness and for the ability to let go. My love walk (living like God instructs in His Word) is still being perfected in me daily. It is truly a process because the war between living in the flesh or walking in the Spirit is a daily battle.

Throughout this book, I will be sharing little nuggets that the Holy Spirit has taught me about people and much more. I am now enjoying my life because of my journey, yet I’m ever learning. I am looking unto God for bigger and better things. I pray that the wisdom given to me will help make your life more enjoyable as well. All the glory and honor belong to God. I thank Him for all the people and the lessons learned that have helped me get to this point. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighted in his way” (Psalm 37:23 KJV).