God Never Wastes a Hurt

April 6, 2014

I just thanked God again for using Ron to lead me, kicking and screaming, from Manhattan to here, to FBC, to this incredible body of people who I love so much and appreciate all they do. Every time I go there, it is truly a family reunion. Without Ron being available and obedient to God, I am sure I would still be living in Manhattan, close to my family, but very lonely, very sad, very broken, and very far away from God. I always believed in God. I always prayed. I always talked to God. But, I didn’t always KNOW God. I didn’t know about a relationship with God. I didn’t know a lot of things I know now. There are lots more things I still don’t know, may never know. But, I do know that God used Ron, an ordinary guy. I know that somehow God is using me and will continue to use me. I just have to have open ears, eyes, mind, and heart to hear, see, and obey God. I may not ever understand, this side of Heaven, why things happen. But, God knows. He knows the story; He wrote it. He knows the joy, fears, struggles, tears, laughter, pain, love, anxiety, and excitement. He knows the ending. All I have to do is obey and trust, sit back and hold on, and let Him be in the driver’s seat.

April 8, 2014

Writing is therapy for me and just like how this book began by that question “How are you going to use this pain to help someone else?”, “God doesn’t waste a hurt”, and “someday, someone in Heaven may come up to you and thank you for them being there”. So, somehow, I hope this pain can help someone out there…even one person, a tiny bit. Let’s just say since I learned about my nephew’s death, I was very concerned about his salvation. I know it’s between him and God. God knows the answer. All I can do is pray. I pray for my family members who do not know Jesus, who don’t believe in Him. I want to make them believe, but I can’t. I can plant seeds and pray a lot. God does the rest. I’m not God, and I can’t do His job. Sometimes, I just don’t understand why things happen. Why? Why? Why? God knows. I worry about my family and friends who do not believe. As with my parents, Ron, my grandparents, brother-in-law, and other loved ones who have passed without any warning, some may not have believed. We never know how much time we have on this Earth. Some people have time toward the end to repent; others don’t. I cannot stand the thought of not seeing my friends and family in Heaven. I think some people just assume that when everyone dies, they automatically go to Heaven. Only God knows their final destination. I just can’t understand why some people want to take that chance?

I know bad things happen to make us open our eyes and think. “And we know God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them” (Romans 8:28). “Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death?” (Romans 9:35). “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can’t and life can’t. The angels can’t and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all Creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 9:38-39).

Wow. Just like before, I had no thoughts or plans to write more scripture. None. God led me to them. I can’t top this. I also cannot explain the incredible peace I felt writing these words and reading them after I wrote them. It’s an amazing feeling. I pray that if you don’t know or feel this peace that you decide you want peace over worry or despair or anything else. That you want to feel peace and love. God’s love. That out of this sad tragedy of losing my hubby, that somehow, some way, this will help someone out there to get curious and search and find and believe. It blows my mind the words God puts on paper through my pen. It’s all from Him. I don’t think about what I write; it just happens. I cannot imagine grieving this death without my faith. I had to with my dad’s death in 1998 and it was horrible, agonizing, relentless pain that never ended. I can tell my faith has grown since my mom’s death in 2009 to Ron’s death in 2011. But, it has soared so high after Ron’s death. I’m still a newbie. I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t understand it all—not even close. And it took losing Ron for that faith to grow more. And, as much as it hurts to not have Ron here on this Earth with us anymore, I know God had and has a plan. Thank You God, again, for using Ron.

One of my very favorite verses: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for Me in earnest you will find Me when you seek Me” (Jeremiah 29:11-13). I loved this verse so much that we used it at Ron’s service. I also made it into my e-mail address: sdjeremiah2911@gmail.com.