Miracle Letters of Love

PAUL AND LINDA BOTH WROTE ON DECEMBER 9, 1973 AFTER PAUL RETURNED TO THE STATES.

PAUL WROTE:

I feel somewhat apprehensive just now because I realize that I’ve been steadily lowering my innate defenses to you. More and more your letters, your being and my thoughts for you become increasingly important. Can you imagine! I've met you but once and yet I feel a certain loneliness for you - my heart is beginning to weave its own thread while my mind hunts for reasons not to wear the garment. Those vague commitments that I've felt and told you about before seem increasingly difficult not to make. Linda, we've shared a good deal of honesty and I say these things in the continued spirit of that trust. I don't mean to make you feel uneasy or cause you to become defensive by relating my thoughts and feelings to you - on the contrary, I want to let you know of a personal relatedness that's pure because it comes from deep within, a new within, now born in the Spirit of Christ. All of a sudden...rebirth, you, new meaning. I've spoken quite often of feeling that I know you; if I do know you as well as I believe I do, I think I could easily feel a deep amount of affection and love for you - apart from the union of Christian fellowship I think we've come to know. My emotion for you is already greater than even I will freely admit to myself.

I stopped by my post office box a few minutes ago on my way to work and lo and behold - there was your letter! All of a sudden a smile came across my face, red came to my cheeks and the birds started to sing! Thanks, Linda, it really did brighten up my day. I guess I'm suffering from "post-audit letdown" and your letter brought me back up.

You know, we do seem closer together, but that has its bad side too. Now that we're not so far apart I want to see you even more. Sure wish you could have been here to meet me personally. I had thought about going to San Francisco instead of San Diego just so I could see you sooner. But discretion being the better part of valor (and a suitcase full of dirty clothes,) I thought it best to come here.

LINDA WROTE:

It was so good to talk to you on the phone last night, though I feel bad that we spent a lot of your nickels! After talking to you I did a lot of thinking about this strange relationship between you and I. In many ways, I want it to go on and on forever, and become much deeper. And yet I don't know if that's what the Lord has in mind. There is so much of my life that you are just beginning to understand - my experiences, my background, my relationship with God, my involvement with Campus Crusade for Christ, etc. Though I sense that I am being directed off staff, a large part of my heart will always remain as though I were still there. Perhaps I can explain it better when I see you and we have lots of time to talk. Also, it will help when you go to the Christmas conference, to understand a little of where I am at. As you once told me - you will always be a dear friend to me - and you’ll never know how many ways your letters and interest in me have helped me - in my relationship with the Lord, with other people, and developing my own personality too. Thanks, always, for that.

LINDA WROTE ON DECEMBER 14, 1973:

I look forward more and more excitedly towards our reunion - only a week from today! Though I know we've gotten to know each other closely, I feel there's so much more I still don't know about you, but would like to.

Your letter didn’t make me feel "defensive" or "uneasy" - on the contrary, it did just the opposite. I will admit, though, that between your phone call and that letter, I did feel those exact emotions. I just can't express them as beautifully as you do! I seem to be inconsistent in my feelings - and perhaps that's why it's been good for us to be apart for so long - so that God could give me a chance to learn and to grow and to understand what I really want and feel. At times I've felt I've said too much and responded to you too openly, other times I've felt I haven't expressed the half of what I feel, and then other times I've felt that I must be attracted to my feelings of attractions rather than you, but then later I'm sure my attraction is centered on you. Sound confusing? It is! That's why it will be good to be with you - to learn just exactly what God has in mind for us and how He wants us to feel. And that will only result as I look at the facts of God's will instead of my feelings. Kind of like the Christian life - it can't be lived by feelings and emotions alone, but by our faith, based on the facts of His Word.

Like last week, I have something scheduled for every evening this week. I love everything I'm doing, so I can't complain too much, but it can be exhausting. A benefit is this week should go by fast, but I'll probably want to collapse by the time I get to San Diego, due to lack of sleep! Somehow, I think spending time with you will be more important than catching up on sleep when I'm there!