Wilderness to Wellness

INTRODUCTION

It's funny how when God wants you to do something He speaks so clearly that you are left with no other alternative but to adhere, especially if you are striving for His purpose in your life. This statement was birthed out of the voice of God speaking to me over and over about something that was far removed from my mind. I was often perplexed as to exactly how God chooses to speak to us. While well aware of God speaking through His word I understood that at times we needed additional prodding in order to comprehend the message.

Often asked either directly or by way of speaker about Gods purpose for my life, I spent numerous years afraid to ask and afraid to seek answers to the question concerning God’s purpose for my life because I was unsure if I was equipped to execute the directive. Fear of the responsibility of the task stagnated me thus reducing me to spectator in others advancement in their journeys. This stagnation yielded frustration because of all that was within me fighting to come out. Still the decision to remain in the framework of comfortability seemed the easiest task to pursue. Why not focus on what was achievable?

Focusing on the obtainable seemed like the most plausible thing to embark upon. However, as I continued to walk along this path, without full clarity of direction, life happened. And when life happens it forces you to succumb to the realization that you must become stronger in order to overcome the challenge set before you. This strength is not just about going through the assignment but understanding what must be done as a result of your participation in it. This crossroad yielded a confusion as to why I must leave my comfort zone, especially when there was seemingly an easier method to execute the assignment. Standing in conflict with self I am given a word that startles me.

During one worship service in which I was the expediter, the guest preacher, after praying, suddenly turns to me, walks in my direction and says to me that there was a book in me and that God wanted me to write a book to tell my story. I just looked at him in bewilderment because writing a book was never on my agenda. To be honest I questioned the authenticity of this word as I considered writing a book something that I had never wanted to accomplish. Nevertheless, I stored this message in the crevices of my mind, making only feeble attempts to obey its command. After thinking about this charge given to me, I attempted writing down titles of chapters for the "book", yet never sincerely putting in my heart that writing a book was something God really desired of me. Now I know you are probably thinking, "but didn’t the preacher just speak to you concerning this?" Yes, but to be honest with you those were just words in my mind. After outlining chapters in the “book. I gave no thought to the aforementioned, nearly forgetting about the charge altogether.

Several months later, my cousin comes up to me after service and asks to speak privately with me, telling me she had dream/vision where I had a book in my hand and when she turned it over she saw my face on the back of the book cover, where the author goes. She also told me that sometimes God's purpose isn't for us to preach, however, but He may just have us write a book Now I know I have never expressed a desire to write a book to my cousin, nor did I share with her what the preacher told me, so where was this coming from? Confused I began to reflect on the original message that I received. My heart became anxious as I attempted to further disregard everything I was being told. Academically, writing was never my strong point, so why would God want me to write? And write a book for that matter. This wasn't making any sense. Well at least is didn’t make sense to me, at all.

There are times you have to get knocked out with a particular message before deciding that it is for you. Not only is it for you, but it requires your full attention, demanding you to take action. About a month later while going to work a sister in the church sent me a text telling me she had a dream about me. My initial response was silence because I thought it was rather interesting that she would have a dream about me of all people. Curiosity set in and later in the day I asked her what the dream was about. She proceeded to tell me that she went to a seminar/workshop of mine and I signed my book for her titled 'Wilderness to Wellness'. So now I’m like floored, totally speechless. My heart knew exactly what she was talking about as I became increasingly aware that the task of writing this book was something I would not be able to escape peacefully. Realizing there was a need to embrace the message in order to execute the assignment, I discussed this matter with a few advisors. While unsure of the direction I needed to take, as well as a reluctance to perform the task, I requested prayer that I adhere to the assignment I was given.

So where do I go from here? Honestly, I am not sure and that scares me. However, I am challenged to not remain in this frustrated state. And as oxymoronic as this may sound I must embark upon a journey that I do not feel adequately equipped for, yet knowing all I need is within me.