Would I Really Marry My Cat?!

Hemmed In

In the mid-1990s I called Tucson, Arizona, home. I thought I hit the jackpot when I was hired as a TV news anchor and reporter in the “Old Pueblo.” Tucson’s glorious sunsets, warm temperatures, and no snow held great appeal for me—for about six months. Then I discovered that scorpions in my bed and javelinas (wild pigs) on my porch made for a less-than-hospitable environment. Not to mention the blistering heat that literally melted the makeup off my face during my live shots. People are quick to say, “But it’s a dry heat.” Well for me, 120+ degrees of any kind of heat is beyond tolerable!

I lived in Tucson for five years, but it felt like an eternity. The last three of those years, discontentment was my significant other. I did everything I could to move on, including hiring two of the best agents in the TV news business. But no doors would open. It was as if I had been locked in by someone from the outside (besides the wild pigs who camped out on my doorstep).

You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me. (Psalm 139:5)

Whenever life feels like it is closing in on me and those old feelings of being locked into my life circumstances resurface, the Lord takes me to Psalm 139—one of the most beautiful songs in the entire Psalter.

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it. (Psalm 139:1–6)

Nestled within this exquisite Hebrew worship song about the Lord’s omniscience (all-knowing) and omnipresence (present everywhere) is verse 5, a verse that at first glance seems to emphasize the softness of God’s sovereignty.

You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me. (verse 5)

I have long viewed verse 5 as something akin to a warm blanket wrapped around me by the Lord to protect me from the cold world. But in the Ancient Hebrew this verse is about as warm and fuzzy as a battering ram. The Hebrew root of enclosed or hemmed in, מָצוֹר (matsor), is a military term that means “to relentlessly attack an opponent’s stronghold.”2 In the Ancient Near East, an enemy army would conquer a city by first surrounding it, then cutting off all supplies to the inhabitants, and finally using battering rams to breach the city walls. For those trapped inside, there was no escape. The only way to survive was to surrender.

So in Psalm 139, when we read “You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me,” it does not mean that the Lord is swaddling us like fragile babes. It means He has us surrounded on all sides, leaving no way of escape from His will. When we feel trapped by life’s circumstances, our only viable option is to surrender to the Author of our lives.

Ultimately, I did move on from Tucson. But thanks be to God, it was in His time and not mine. You see, my Grandma Jo was dying during those last three years of my time in Arizona. She and my Grandpa Stu lived near Phoenix. And just about every weekend, I would make the two-hour journey to love on both of them. I can still see the delight in Grandma Jo’s weary eyes when I walked through the door. I can still feel her frail hands, knotted with arthritis, that seemed to sigh in relief as I massaged and manicured them. And I can still hear her licking her lips when I made soup for dinner.

My senses came alive as I ministered to my dying grandmother. And I wouldn’t trade that time or those memories for anything, not even for an escape from the misery of Tucson. Several months after Grandma Jo went to Heaven, I landed a new job in Atlanta, Georgia, and I was never happier. I’m certain the timing was not coincidental.

Are you feeling “enclosed” or “hemmed in” by life’s circumstances right now? Maybe it’s a difficult relationship or an illness that has you feeling trapped. Could it be that your debt has you pinned to the mat or that you have found yourself in a seemingly dead-end job?

The truth is, you just might be trapped—by your Creator. And it’s not because He’s cruel or can’t see your struggle. The God who knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13) has purpose for your life, even in seasons of misery. Like a military general lays siege to a city, He has you surrounded. You can try and fight your way out of your circumstances like I did. But I’ve learned that surrender is a far better response. It may not free us from our struggles any sooner, but surrender does free us to live peacefully in the midst of God’s will.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. (Psalm 139:6)

Creator God,
When life gets tough,
my instinct is to panic and look for a way out.
I am so quick to become discontent with the life You have given me.
Help me to adjust my auto-pilot response from panic to peace,
knowing You are in control of my circumstances.
As painful or difficult as they may be,
there is purpose in my struggles, and it is good.
Thank You for loving me enough to keep me hemmed in.
For the honor and glory of Christ Jesus.
Amen.