“No weapon formed against us will prosper, 11 I Thessalonians 1:3, the trying of our Faith works patience. This was the one scripture I learned to seek the meaning to, because I only seen the darkness of the trails. I found out this was a lesson on learning to wait on God’s timing. I could not see, the purpose for this painful trail, I had to go through, for such a long time. I had to use every ounce of strength and ask God for more daily. There is a scripture I memorized that said, God would not give you more then you could bear 2 Corinthians 10:13 KJV.I wondered so many times "Did He see what I was going through"? Why isn't Jesus , saving me very time I was under attack? I wanted fire and brimstone to rain down on my enemies. God said to wait, to learn how to endure to the end. He always brought me out of each trail stronger in my relationship with him, and Jesus. The testing of my faith was hard, I wondered if God was still with me. I could not see Him. For years I was put to the testing of my faith on who God was within me. Was I really this strong? Jesus said I was able to come out all this pain in victory. I asked myself, "Did I trust what he said I could do. Will I really be victorious? This last trail set the stage for the ground level faith in my life. I could not fail my Father; I could not let Jesus suffering, be in vain. They said that I Can do all things; 13Phil. 4:13 KJV; I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me. Therefore I will. Even when I was laying on the floor, rocking my body back and forth, to some how bring me comfort, like when a mother rocks a baby to stop them from crying: I would cry out “hold me Jesus, I need you now. I truly would feel peace. I grew to have great Love and Faith in God. I seen him work in my life. The next test of enduring faith, was to see if I trusted Him to be in the middle of the storm with me, even when I could not see him. This last trail told me that God was not a respecter of persons. The fire falls on the just, and the unjust. I was actually raped. When I heard the word rape before my attack, I pictured a female being held down, beaten, and mistreated with no mercy. The mere word rape sounded hurtful. How could any man treat someone so cruel, especially if she knew who he was, or in some cases a spouse, bother or, other family members. Rape invades a personal private space within a woman. That she should keep and hold dear for that person she loves and devotes to willingly give herself unconditionally. My space has been forced open and my peace destroyed. How can I get the peace restored? I was not injured physically, some may see this was a good thing, I always had a fear of being beaten. But the emotional wounds were more hurtful and I came to realize in the future, lasted longer. I went back in my memory to find anything to help me. I learned how to wait on God because he loved me so much. He always will help me. Jesus is my peace, no weapon formed against me will prosper, in my mind I was saying to myself, “Isn't this a weapon that would harm me?” Why did this happen to me? I had to get closer to who God is with me. While, I sought the Word of God for peace; the peace that passes all understanding: That perfect peace that eluded me. I started trusting His power and might to fight for me. Through years of hurt and confusion I learned I was closer to Jesus, and God was still in control. God had to bring out of me everything that was not of him. These thorns in my life were there to buffet me. And teach me to pray through until I felt relief in my spirit. I could not go by emotional relief, because my feelings were led by my flesh, not my spirit. This trail taught me how to never let go, of my belief, that God loved me and was in control. Because If I knew that He loved me; He would care for me in times I could see him, He is God, He will always be in control, nothing can hurt me in any way that Jesus did not already heal me from, I will be alright again.
I Trust in His Word, he will perform, and do everything he promised. God can not lie. I spent years feeling like Job, 14Job 1:8-12 KJV God must have told satan I can handle what ever happen to me. When I received this revelation; I got mad at myself, who was I to say I couldn't handle this trail. If it still happened after I prayed that God would save me; then I must be able to make it out of this pain. I started asking what God wanted me to learn, how I can turn this around for His good. After all, I did say to myself, when it was happening “I’m still alive". There are so many women who never survive being raped. This was not going to be me. God is still God, He is still my God. And Jesus is still Lord. I fought hard with my emotions, to hold on to my sanity. I read God’s word on how He cared for me. My first need was to stop fearing that it would happen again. I trusted Jesus to build my faith in love.eone else.”