Lost and Found: How to Get Your Soul Back

Have you ever gotten to a place where you were so lost that when you finally ‘came to’, you had no idea how you had gotten there or what had really happened? My story begins in that place.

I had started ok, I thought. Growing up had been tough but I had made something of myself despite my family life. I had somewhat of an awareness of myself. I knew I hadn’t escaped my childhood unscathed; I knew I had some scars, some trust issues, some intimacy issues, some fears but I was ok, right?

I had graduated from high school, college, and graduate school. I didn’t really drink, I had never smoked, and I wasn’t promiscuous. After college, I had even started going back to church. I was a ‘good girl.’ I made it through all my challenges, why couldn’t everyone else? I was arrogant, almost.

I turned up my nose at ‘those girls’. ‘Those girls’ who got pregnant before they got married, ‘those girls’ who had abortions, who were in abusive relationships, who just couldn’t seem to get their lives together.

But something sinister was at work. My life was slowly starting to unravel unbeknownst to me. One traumatic event sent me over the edge. An edge I had already been closely teetering on the edge of. When I finally came up from the abyss four years later, gasping for air, I realized I had totally lost who I was somewhere along the way. I realized I was no longer the ‘good girl’ I had professed to be I had become one of ‘those girls’. I was utterly lost and my fragile sense of self shattered. I somehow had to figure out how I had gotten there and how to pick up all the pieces of my life. In the process, I found so much more.

This book chronicles a three-year period of my life and many different seasons. How I went from rock bottom to the mountain top. How I went from despair to redeemed. How I went from exploited and abused to powerful. How I went from lost to found. How I went from broken to healed. And how you too can get it all back. It’s a story about real life, my life. It's a story about love, true love. It’s a story about how I got it all back, my life, my heart, my soul, my family. It’s a story that’s unbelievable at times, sad at times and joyous in other moments.

This is my story, my truth. I truly believe there are parts in here that are true for so many women. Women just like me. The things we deal with but don’t always talk about. The things we keep inside for fear of exposure. The fears, the insecurities that we don’t want to face.

There are so many people, places, and things in my life that have helped form the woman I am today. I am so thankful. I am thankful for all the people God placed in my life, the good and the bad. They have helped shape this story and helped to shape me, a woman I can be proud of.

Natasha

Late Summer,

Awakening

In August, I returned to my hometown to attend a wedding with my friend, Sara. I had recently moved out of state and down to North Carolina. My reason for being back in town was two-fold. To clean out my old office since I had recently fully committed to my move down south and to attend the wedding. At the wedding, I saw Angie. She and I had initially met about seven years ago at my former church. Even though I no longer went there, I still considered her a friend, even though we probably connected with each other about once a year. She was one of those friends that no matter how long you haven’t seen each other, you pick right back up where you left off.

I missed Angie, so after the wedding, I wanted to see what she was doing so we could talk or catch up. She said she was going to the bank to deposit some money, great. I asked if I could ride along. Angie and I got to talking. I told her all about my move. How I had decided to move with Nancy, a friend of a friend who was from out of state. I had only known Nancy, for a few months. We both wanted to move away from the area for a new beginning, new people, new friends, and new parties. Well, that quickly fell apart as soon as I got to North Carolina. We both had been looking for jobs down there, but Nancy found one first and had moved a few months earlier. The plan was that I was going to continue to look and hopefully I would find one before the school year ended. While she was down there her job was to look for a place for us to live together. In the interim, she was staying with a family member who lived in the area.

Between the time she moved down and the time I planned to come, Nancy and I talked constantly. She would email me listings and pictures from Craigslist about different apartments for rent in North Carolina. I even flew down to take a look at one of the houses we could potentially rent and filled out the paperwork. It seemed the main issue the landlords had was that I was a ‘phantom’ tenant who still lived and worked in another state and I had not found a job in the area yet. So, we went back and forth for months filling out applications for several apartments with nothing working out in our favor. So, as the time began to wind down without me having a job. We came up with a brilliant plan: Have my boyfriend help me out.