Blessed Are the Failures

Peter was familiar with storms like the men of the land were not. Many times, he wondered if he would live to see the day. But in comparison to what happened on that cold Passover night, Peter would have traded a thousand nights in a thousand storms to be able to escape the storm of his own betrayers’ heart. Peter was broken upon the shore of betrayal, but this brokenness opened him to a powerful victory. His story is a story of hope for the downcast and those who are more familiar with being the betrayer. Those who have left God and long to return will find great comfort by peering into that part of the heart of God that Peter looked into.

Peter had to be strong. He grew up in a "wild wild west" of sorts. Roman oppression was around every corner, the fishing industry was hard work, and the very meaning of his name was not unlike the man himself. This is how we feel at times. Up and up we sometimes soar, feeling as if we can handle it all. We feel good about our family, friends, fun, and faith. We feel strong, because we don't feel like we are failing. We feel like Peter did when Jesus sent him on the journey to destroy Satan's kingdom in the minds and bodies of men. Watching sickness submit to healing and cancer flee, Peter felt as if he were at the top of his game. He was a follower of Jesus! Nothing and no one could stand in his way. He was confident about the feelings in his heart. He was confident in his love for Jesus and nothing could convince him otherwise. Yes, Peter would stay with Jesus until the end, even if it meant death. He would never leave this blessed Lord, but Peter was so human he did not even know his own heart, as humans often don't. The emotion of love often betrays love itself. Feelings fade and what remains is the degree of love that was always present. Emotions blind us to our true reality. Hidden deep within our hearts is something that God only sees, and He walks with us anyway, even if He knows that our actions will betray our Sunday morning hymns.

Moments of my life that are interpreted by emotions, good or bad, are often the greatest times in my life where I truly cannot see. Blinded by feeling, I am no longer free to see God. No matter what victory, no matter what joy, no matter what healing, no matter what teaching or touch from God that Peter had experienced up to this point, none were able to lift his sinking heart from the night he betrayed Jesus. All of his positive history with Jesus was swallowed by one act of betrayal. He felt like Jonah, and I know many people who feel the same way. The belly of the whale is not a home for sons. But it is often the place where Father lays them in order to remove the part of us He did not create. The cross only kills that which needed to die in the first place. This is a truth Peter would learn soon enough.

The times of euphoric emotion seem so powerful when we are on the mountain, when the feelings are so thick that it seems you could almost cut them with a knife and pass them to whomever we wish. These times seem so right, so spot on to what we think life should be like. We look at these moments and think that this is what it must be like to be complete in God. I have experienced many of these times, and I often begin to think that God exists to make me succeed. I desperately attempt to fabricate my entire life to only reflect these great times, and any other season that Fathers sends me I emotionally reject, unable to rejoice in all trials and tribulations. The times when my children are laughing and playing in the yard, my wife is happy, and the bills are paid. This surely is true Christianity. No, it is blessing from God that we should enjoy yet not idolize, for as sure as the rising of the sun, times will turn. This is where God wants us to know Him. The places in life where it is only possible for Him to move, bring Him the greatest glory.

This underlines a common but untrue thought in the minds of God's people. When things are good, they must be God, and when things are bad it must be the devil. The common modern thought is, "If God being good, and He is, then He cannot lead me to darkness." God is good, so good that He gives us good times in a fallen world. Yet it is we who often idolize those times to being more important than God Himself, and we blame Him when they exit our circumstances. God's ultimate agenda is not paying my bills and making me happy. His agenda is making me look like Jesus.

God loved Peter so much that it pained the Father to think that if Peter died on the Mount of Transfiguration that Peter would have stood before Him with a betrayer's heart. It is the plan of a great Father to sacrifice that which is good in the moment for that which is best in the eternal. On the outside, Peter was a success, but God, who looks on the heart, was staring at Peter’s own self-confidence and desired to deliver him from it. Yes, Peter was heading for failure and God was taking him there. The greatest tool God has to form His saints often comes from hell itself. When I doubt this, I need to only remember the cross. This is the wisdom of God: to use a man to beat God's greatest spiritual enemy, by allowing that man to be bruised and beaten by that enemy. But within the bruises lay the final healing score. Satan zero, Son one.

Peter was about to become kindred spirits with ancient Job. Though Job lost all on the outside, Peter’s loss came from within. Peter, like Job, heard the voice of hell to curse God and die. Peter felt exactly like Judas did. Bitter tears removed the sweetness of his former success from the lips of this self-confident man. There was no achievement of Peter's past powerful enough to erase his current condition. Peter wished he were dead. He would have give all the good times he had with God, all the healing's, signs, wonders, and miracles, if he could just be free from the heart that was in his own chest.

What we do for Jesus is and never will be greater than Jesus Himself. Trade all the ministry and church life in the world for only Jesus, and you will be none the poorer. I am no different. When I fail, I feel the satanic urge to quit. Throwing in the towel seems like a logical choice, but if I quit, the life is ripped out of my guts like that of Judas. I hang upon my own selfish gallows.