The God of Restoration

I was in panic mode. I was too ashamed to go to Mom or my siblings or any family member or friend, for that matter. I was a young twenty-three-year-old, with a not quite four-year-old and a 15-month-old. What in the world had I gotten myself into? What did I say, “I do” to? I, Anita, take you, Michael, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part., Wow, who pays attention to these vows anyway? Who could know exactly what they’re signing up for and promising to do for a lifetime? Wow, til death? Oh my! It couldn’t get any worse, so I thought. We couldn’t get any poorer, so I thought. We had fallen lower than the bottom. This was NOT what I signed up for. I thought, “I’m better than this, I don’t have to take this!” With no money to pay bills or buy food and a negative bank account, what was I to do? Thankfully, he still had a job, a good one. Paydays were dreadful. He’d get paid on Friday and be broke on Friday night. At one point, he told me that someone had stolen his wallet. He made up all kinds of lies. Before the coat closet experience, I believed many of the lies until it got to be so many, I became a cynic. I had threatened to leave him, but he’d remark, “you wouldn’t be able to make it without me.” Wow, what’d he say that for! I could feel my blood heating up. That remark felt like a dare. I thought, “I don’t need you; I can show you better than I can tell you.” I’d heard Mom say that during some of her angry moments. The whole scenario of not having money to pay bills and buy food had begun to beat me down. In my frustration, I took matters into my own hands and packed up all of his clothes and sat them on the back porch. When he came home, several big black garbage bags of clothes met him at the back door. He didn’t resist. He knew he was wrong! He took them and put them in the trunk of his car. I thought, “I’m not putting up with this, I can do bad all by myself!” In my rage, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to my spirit, in a still small voice, “whatever you do, you’re not allowed to get a divorce.” In a LOUD voice, I said, “WHAT!!!!????” Really, Lord, you mean I have to stay married to a drug addict? What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me. (Psalm 120:1)

I was backed into a tight corner with no one to talk to. I had no choice but to go to the only One that knew this was going to happen billions of years before our existence. I figured if God knew it was going to happen, He must have known when it was going to end and what I needed to do until it ended.