From Mommy To Mentor
Parenting Adult Children
by
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Support, Not Sacrifice
Chapter 9
You cannot fall into the trap of fighting them to help them. This is one of my favorite things to say because I do not mind helping you to realize your dreams, but I will not exhaust myself with ongoing fruitless activities. Sometimes the power of the dream is bigger than the actions to get the dream, so they stay stagnant and would rather dream about it than work towards it manifesting. This was a Word that God revealed to me on 5/28/2014 (not specifically about adult children but for His children, in general).
Some adult children like to circle the plane and never land. You may, at some point, have to wish them a safe flight, tell them you are getting off the plane now and let them continue to circle until they decide to land. We are called to support but not sacrifice our personal financial stability, our peace of mind or our emotional well-being.
When deciding it is time to get off of their ever-circling airplane, pray for God’s guidance on when this should occur. Also, have a conversation with them before you reach your breaking point and before you sabotage your relationship.
We do want to support visions, dreams and goals; however, as our children mature, the dreams and goals need to take shape and begin to formulate, even in seed form. If they do not, that may be the time to love them, continue to cheer them on, support with enthusiasm, but not run down multiple rabbit trails with them. The ultimate goal is that they are self-supporting.
With young children, when you are “mommy-ing”, there is some time allowance and wiggle room for vacillating ideas, dreams and goals. That is the period when you expect varying, random thoughts while they are trying to formulate and articulate what they believe is their God-given path. However, as a child becomes an adult, this process and the varying thoughts and ideas should become narrowed, more focused, and as they have matured in Christ, the vision should be clearer and clearer at this point. If not, the priority may be to advise they spend more quiet time with God in order to get a more focused plan of action. Occasionally, as mentioned earlier, a very wise course of action as a “mentor”, is to allow them to try their own wings and if they prefer the trial and error method, to allow them to do it on their own. You are under no obligation to support this period of trial and error with no solid plan, especially with your finances.
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About the Book
This book takes the reader from the early stages of being a mommy to the end destination of mentoring adult children. As we, parents, grow and become more experienced in life, we have an ongoing responsibility to deposit wisdom, truth, and guidance to them.
Reading this book will help you identify what stage you and your child are in, and how to successfully move through each stage. The primary goal is mentorship.
You will learn how to:
• Punt the responsibility back to adult children
• Keep your relationships strong during periods of their bad decisions
• Sharpen your mentoring skills
• Teach your children practical life skills
Parenting is only a piece of God’s ultimate plan for your life. Follow this journey for nuggets of insight, tools, and examples of how we can navigate through the process together…..from Mommy to Mentor.
Mamas, give it your best shot and then rest in God.
You have to come out whole!
About the Author
Pamela Jennings Taylor is a wife, mother, sister, aunt, nurse, writer, and has many more roles, just as other women do. She has a soft spot in her heart for mothers who, sometimes, have difficulty transitioning from the phase of being “Mommy” to learning how to navigate to a new role of “Mentor” to their adult children.
Over the years, Pamela has had to rely on the leading of the Holy Spirit to provide her with wisdom and guidance through each stage of parenting. This reliance persists to this day because mentoring her adult children is ongoing. Her desire to help mothers will forever be her inspiration and motivation, and thus, the reason she began to write.
Pamela is married to her husband of more than 33 years, Kevin Taylor, and has three children, Kevin, Jr., Gabrielle, and Jonathan. She resides in Pelham, Alabama.