Dementia Caregiving from a Biblical Perspective

This short time on earth is a light, momentary affliction—a limited season of sorrow. Our loving God chose my mother’s pathway to heaven to go through the dementia journey. He never promised to remove the sorrows, but accompanies us through them. We have a heavenly future waiting for us as we step through death’s door.

After my father died, while my three sisters and I helped Mom settle his estate, it became clear to us she could not live on her own. Despite surviving polio, my mother was fairly healthy. She had no heart disease, cancer, pulmonary disease or diabetes. We did not realize her brain was already impaired and in the early stages of dementia. After all, wasn’t forgetfulness part of old age? She had just lost her life mate of 50 years, and she could be scatterbrained at times. We all assumed she would grieve, and once she had adjusted, would stabilize.

She just needed a little help and there was room at my house. Mom and Dad had four daughters – Dorothy, Ann, Joan and Louise. I am the oldest, my kids were grown and out of the house, and my job was the standard 40 hours. Before the end of the month after Dad’s sudden passing, Mom and her earthly belongings were traveling to my home in Wisconsin. All would be well.

I did not truly understand she had dementia until a few years after she moved to Sienna Crest, a small assisted living facility a short distance from our home. Even though she loved the social stimulation of the close-knit community at her facility, she did not stabilize. Her cognitive abilities continued to erode.

I didn’t know the best ways to help her or understand why she acted the way she did. I didn’t understand the differences between Alzheimer’s and dementia, and the doctor never uttered a diagnosis. … I was too busy working full time and going to night school, besides caring for her, to do the research. I merely coped from day to day, eventually figuring out how to relate to her as her world shrank.

As she lost the ability to remember Bible verses, doctrines and, eventually, His name, I found myself questioning the value of her efforts to study and memorize if it’s lost at the end. How could I show her honor and respect while taking more and more of the role of caring for her? How do I speak truth to her as she lost grasp of the decade she inhabited? Some days, she asked where my father was, having lost the memory of his death.

After my mother’s death, and my husband, Ralph, and I relocated to another city, I began to look for answers. Was Alzheimer’s the same as dementia? Why did she forget her husband had died? How was it possible for her to remember something months after it seemed the memory had been lost?

Over time, I decided to write a book for the Christian caregiver to help chart the dementia journey. Understanding how the diseases that cause dementia impact the brain and alter the actions of our loved ones helps us find ways to minister to them. How do we tell her the truth in love when she has become disoriented? Is there value in visiting our loved one if it is likely she will not remember who we are and she will forget the visit moments after we leave? How do we honor our parents when we become their caregivers? Should we sign the forms so she will not be resuscitated if her heart stops? Should we have a feeding tube installed if she can no longer eat?

Walking through dementia’s progression in an individual, I will seek to show the way and demonstrate why these symptoms can cause her to act strangely. I will share the lessons my three sisters and I learned in helping our mother live with dementia and prepare for the Lord’s coming for her. I will seek to answer: What does dementia do to the person you love? Are they truly gone? How do you relate to her as she changes? What changes can you expect to see and how do you handle them? Most of all, I will seek to share the blessings of God, and the lessons we learned as we helped our mother live out her life and finish her race well.

A loved one has dementia and we feel the hand of God directing us to get involved—either as a primary caregiver or as someone who comes alongside to help. Can we make a difference?

Current dementia medications may minimize the symptoms and prolong functionality, but they cannot stop the disease’s progression. Additionally, loving, nurturing care has been proven to help stabilize or slow the decline. Andrew Sixsmith and his colleagues in Britain discovered some stabilization or even improvement of cognitive functions, along with slower rates of decline in loved ones, with nurturing as opposed to standard nursing home care. Sixsmith’s 1993 study uncovered the essential element of humanity—the need to be loved and in community with others. These researchers called it remitting. This does not refer to restoring to past levels, but capitalizing on existing capabilities.

In Matthew 4:4, Jesus said, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” People need more than physical housing; provided only with shelter, food, and water. We have a body, as well as an eternal spirit, designed to interact with others—fulfilling a plan and purpose, giving and receiving love.

Learning how to touch her soul—communicating with empathy, showing affirming love—remains the heart of dementia care. As a close relative or friend, we can minister to her needs in a way no professional caregiver can. As her daughter, wife, or sister, we can stay by her side and remember for her.