Wisdom Is a Gift

During one interview, I was asking a gentleman specifics about the house he grew up in. He replied that it was an “average house.” What is average back in the 1920s and 1930s? Sure enough, as he went on to describe it specifically; he revealed that they had an outhouse. No indoor plumbing in their house in Kansas. From that revelation, we could discuss what that was like. Needless to say, we take indoor plumbing as a given today and yet it wasn’t all that long ago that household conveniences were very different. Part of what makes any story interesting is that we can relate to it and yet it is different from our own experience. Hearing about how loved ones lived and tackled day-to-day chores is relatable and very different than our experiences today. Most likely, none of our relatives today is dealing with a chamber pot or a portable toilet under his or her bed.

PRO TIP: Ask a bunch of questions to stir up many memories. You never know when you might stumble into an interesting and unexpected story. If a story doesn’t materialize, you can always edit out that line of questioning.

Chronologically ordering and questioning is a great way to organize your project. Questions naturally flow from that. Another tactic for you to use in generating questions is to consult your siblings or other family members. What stories do they remember fondly? What questions would they like answered? Recently, when I asked a storytelling client to do this, her four children had vastly different responses. One wanted to know about their dad who had passed away when she was just a child. Another wanted his mom to share the stories of the family’s many camping trips. Another wanted a recorded version of one of the bedtime stories their mom had told her grandchildren. You or the storyteller may not consider these so why not take a poll of those who would be interested in the stories? What specific memories or stories would they like to make sure are preserved? Having this type of guidance will insure the collection of many wonderful stories. There will be special meaning to those who will listen or read the completed story.

You may be tempted to skip the story that “grandma always tells” because you believe “everyone” has already heard the story and “no one” will ever forget it. Capture these signature stories. Even though the family may be familiar with that story today, you are creating a generational gift. The stories we tell the most are the ones with the most meaning to us. Preserve those stories because they are the essence of the person you want to make sure is always remembered. Plus, when you can no longer hear the story from the source, having it somehow preserved takes on even greater meaning.

PRO TIP: If there is a story you’ve heard the storyteller tell multiple times, be sure and capture that one. This is one of his or her favorites.

Now that you have your questions ready to go, should you share the questions with the storyteller in advance? This is up to you. The storyteller already has all of the answers so you are not going to trip them up. This is their life. You may want to communicate to them the general plan – “We’re going to talk about you as a child and your life growing up in Chicago.” This gets them thinking a little bit about that time. If you give them your full line of questions, you risk them “scripting” their answers. They may even write out answers and then read those. In my experience, when this has happened, the answers then sound very scripted. There is spontaneity to a conversation that tends to capture the essence of the person better than a thought through and scripted response. When it’s spontaneous, he or she answers without over-thinking or editing their response. If, it turns out that they say something they wish they would not have, simply erase that. One goal I have when recording someone is to capture him or her laughing. This might be a goal of yours as well. It’s difficult to script laughter in an authentic way. However, it will come up as you organically ask questions and the storyteller responds naturally and in the moment.

When it comes to wisdom questions or deeply introspective questions, I will offer those in advance because they require more thought. It’s difficult to come up with “What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?” or “Looking back, how did you redeem a bad or tragic event? In other words, how did it ultimately change your path and result in something positive?” These questions require some thought. Ask them at the end of your story-recording project. If you ask at the beginning, your storyteller might just bow out! Get momentum and then go deep. And supply the wisdom questions in advance. Even when you supply in advance, the storyteller might not come up with any answer. That’s okay. Just move on. None of these questions is going to make or break the story. You might get a real gem of wisdom or you might get nothing. Whatever you record is going to reflect the storyteller and ultimately that is what you are after.

As you prepare for the interview, you will likely have a list of questions to guide you along and keep you on track. This is great. Instead of having the questions on loose leaf paper, consider keeping your questions in a tidy notebook or on a laptop. The shuffling of papers is surprisingly noisy. In the next section, we will talk more about reducing background noise so that your recording is free from noisy distractions. Know that rustling paper is one of the worst. A bound notebook, laptop, or tablet will allow you to have your questions handy without being overly distracting.