I Choose to Give Thanks!
Grieving with an Attitude of Gratitude
by
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INTRODUCTION
Grieving, especially the loss of a loved one is a complicated matter. As for most of the people I know, grief is a very personal thing. No two persons will grieve in the same way, even for the same person. Likewise, a person will grieve differently for two different persons. Furthermore, the way and manner that one grieves for a mother will differ from how one grieves for a father, sibling (older or younger), friend, a spouse or child – the last one, we never want to experience. The length of time that one grieves is also relative, as a person can grieve for a period ranging from one day to twenty years or more. Therefore, venturing to write a book on how to deal with grief is grief is both a delicate and difficult affair.
I have had my share of grief and have found myself having to comfort others during difficult times and situations – sometimes while going through my own difficult times. I would never claim to be an expert on dealing with grief, but I do know firsthand how to live with it. I also know that this book may not apply to everyone or for every grief-laden situation and it does not provide a prescription on what one must do in order to deal with or relieve grief. Neither does it offer a silver bullet or magic wand (I do not believe in magic) to alleviate the pain that one experiences on the demise of a loved one. It simply lays out my way of reframing situations to bring certain aspects into sharper focus in order to reduce my pain. (My second book “Divine Intervention”, showcases the importance and benefits of reframing situations)
It also portrays some of my reflections on leveraging an attitude of gratitude during a period of grief. I found that thanksgiving became my tool to deal with the roller coaster of emotions that emerged in the wake of this loss.
After the death of my mum, there was an endless stream of questions and constant wonder of what could have been, which consumed me from the inside out. As explained in the tribute to my mum, the scripture 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you”(KJV) is a well-used verse for consolation and encouragement. Well-meaning friends and well-wishers who visited or contacted me and offered their condolences used this verse generously. I have also used the verse several times to encourage and console people in difficult times. This verse can be likened to a pill that is easier to administer to others than to take.
The command that Paul gave to the Thessalonian church in in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is one to be taken seriously. Realistically, thanksgiving does not come naturally to a person in distress; at such a time, the thought of giving thanks is the farthest thought from our mind. We would rather focus on the pain, tending to grumble or complain; and often we have a "legitimate" reason to focus on the pain. However, it comes down to a choice, but even that choice can only be realistically motivated by God’s indwelling Holy Spirit. Philippians 2:13 says “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose”. (NIV)
We need to remember the basic spiritual "law" that God never asks us to do something that He does not enable us to accomplish. The pain of the loss of my mum was easier to bear once I got into the thanksgiving zone by the help of the Holy Spirit. While choosing to be thankful is not easy, it is within the reach of every Christian because we all possess the Holy Spirit and access to just the necessary amount of grace. I encourage all who are mourning to intentionally get into the thanksgiving zone. Regardless of the variants and nuances of mourning and grieving, the thanksgiving zone is accessible to all only by the help of the Holy Spirit.
The chapters that follow reveal details of the areas which made a difference in my situation that I was most thankful for.
At two separate small group gatherings, I spoke about my choice to give thanks in the situation of loss and during the period of mourning. Others were inspired to reflect on their lives and find reasons to give thanks too. Thanksgiving is infectious, thanksgiving in certain difficult situations appear to be potently infectious.
I choose to give thanks chronicles the route I took in my journey from the depths of sorrow to the heights of thanksgiving. Not everyone can follow this same route, but I am hoping my experiences will help you to see that thanksgiving amidst grief is not farfetched. I am also hoping to shorten the time you spend in the grip of grief by teaching you how to open your heart and grasp God, allowing Him to lift you out of the depths of sorrow.
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About the Book
Grieving, especially the loss of a loved one, is a complicated and personal matter. Though we all feel grief, no two people experience it in the same way, even for the same person. This makes any consideration of the topic, both delicate and challenging.
I Choose to Give Thanks approaches grief by expanding on 1 Thessalonians 5:18: “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (KJV). Author Dr. Chinyere Almona shares reflections on developing and leveraging an attitude of gratitude during a period of grief. In the roller coaster of emotions that emerged in the wake of the sudden loss of her mother, she discovered that thanksgiving could serve as a useful tool in the face of loss. Chinyere chronicles the route she took in her ongoing journey from the depths of sorrow to the heights of thanksgiving—a transition that, although difficult, can yield significant benefits.
This personal narrative and guide for those dealing with grief hold that thanksgiving can offer great comfort and consolation in the midst of deep sorrow.
About the Author
Dr. Chinyere Almona is a versatile inspirational speaker and Bible teacher who has been involved in active ministerial work for more than twenty-six years. She is the author of three previous books, Divine Orchestration, Divine Intervention, and Divine Guarantee. She holds a doctorate in business administration from Business School Netherlands and serves as a corporate governance adviser. She lives in Lagos, Nigeria, where she serves alongside her husband, Pastor Obi Almona, at RCCG New Dawn Parish, Surulere.