The Progressive Darkness
For the Christian Losing Hope in Depression
by
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Introduction
As I reflect on my life, I believe the experience that affected me the most profoundly was my bout with depression. It was three years of pure hell. It started around August 2006 and ended somewhere around the end of the summer of 2009. Though three years may seem like a short time to some, every inch of it was hell for me. The depression started around the time that my brother got arrested and continued while I was a senior in college, wondering what my next career move would be. It was a time when the chemicals in my brain became unbalanced and the Lord was just allowing me to sit in the furnace for a while. Was I genetically predisposed to depression? Was it my diet or the stress from college?
As far as I can tell, several factors could have been a trigger to send me into that thick, deep darkness I endured. It could have been a mixture of some or all of these things. I can say with confidence that my experience of depression allowed me to know myself in much greater depth. It inspired me to be a counselor, to help those who are hurting mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That time in my life, more than anything, helped me to trust more in the living Savior who raises the dead.
I wrote this book for many reasons. At the very heart of telling my experience of depression are my deep concern, care, and empathy for those who have suffered, or are suffering, a similar challenge. I recall what it was like to suffer almost completely alone in depression and to want help from God and Christians, feeling like I was getting it from the very least of these sources at times.
I pray by the grace of Jesus that this is a light of encouragement that can reach the dark corner you’re in. I hope that those who are currently struggling with depression can read this book and come away with the thoughts and feelings that they are understood and valued and that God has not given up on them. In the following pages, you will find my account of the experience of depression from 2006 through 2009, some illustrations done by a wonderful artist, and a few poems I wrote recently as I reflected on that time of depression.
Before I talk about this dark time, I want to give a brief account of the brightest of times I had, when I came to faith in the living God, Jesus. Becoming a Christian was by far the most pivotal moment of my existence. It gave—and continues to give me—ultimate meaning. I truly hope this book is a blessing to you.
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About the Book
Like almost everyone, Carl Binger has had moments where he’s wondered why he is in such a funk.
He is one of many who have suffered from depression. When it has hit, he has struggled with fighting disinterest in possessions, hobbies, and even Jesus.
Binger gives readers a raw and real look at depression through personal testimony and psalm in this memoir that includes wonderful illustrations and poems. As you read, you will learn how to:
• let go and overcome feelings of guilt;
• develop a meaningful relationship with the Lord;
• eliminate behaviors that are holding you back;
• overcome feelings of helplessness.
Throughout the book, Binger shares a candid account of his struggles in college and how he was almost arrested on one occasion. He also shares how becoming a believer delivered him from the need to smoke marijuana.
The book was written for the express purpose of letting those who suffer from depression know that they are not alone—and they can turn their heart and eyes to Jesus Christ for help.
About the Author
Carl Binger, LMHC, is a husband to Carissa and the father of Marcus, Derek, and Travis. He has been following Jesus since 2003 and has been practicing counseling since 2014. He hopes to spread a message of hope to anyone struggling with depression—especially black men. He raises awareness about depression by writing, facilitating educational workshops, counseling, and talking to his community.