You're Beautiful

As a child, I didn’t realize that I was living in dysfunction. I just trusted that things were the way they were supposed to be. I knew most people didn’t have big families, and we were different. I actually liked having a big family; even in the chaos. The good kind of chaos, like when we were all together for the holidays. But as our family got bigger and bigger, we weren’t able to be together as much, and the older siblings soon drifted apart. I was still young and couldn’t understand the hurt that was involved as they became adults; I also didn’t realize the physical and emotional abuse that was part of their lives. I went through it also, but I wasn’t old enough to see that the bad behavior we were exposed to was wrong.

My siblings and I had surface-level relationships. There seemed to be little or no trust; we didn’t share what we were going through with one another. It’s like we all lived in the same household but had this secret we didn’t talk about. Maybe we felt things were normal because that’s all we knew. I think each one of us had an uneasy heart, but we never let anyone know what was going on. Day in and day out, we lived in this façade, going through the motions of life. We were mechanical, like robots. But one day, each one of those robots would malfunction. God didn’t create us with the intention to be like robots. No, He created us with free will, allowing us to make our own decisions and to choose freely.

True relationships are important. God knew this and wanted what was best for us and Him. He wanted our relationships to be real. A real relationship involves real love. And real love involves real choices. In God’s nature, He is all loving. He is perfect in every aspect of life. He deserves nothing less than a true and genuine love from us, and that requires real choices. From the beginning of time, God showed His love by creating the perfect environment for His children. He called the Garden of Eden good. But we messed up, and sin entered the world.

But that choice didn’t cause all to be lost. No, Jesus interceded for us by going to the cross. Our heavenly Father showed His perfect and unconditional love, by sending His one and only perfect Son to set us free. And Jesus showed His unconditional love by willingly and obediently taking our place on the cross. We deserve the cross. The love of God the Father and God the Son are far greater than anything we could deserve. God has every right to ask the best from us, for He gave us His best, not once but twice. First when He created the world for us, and second when He sent His Son to die for us. How could we ever think of giving Him any less?

God is good in all things. I feel like He protected me in many ways growing up. Yes, I had a lot of hardships, with the loss of two brothers and an alcoholic father whose discipline had a huge impact on all of us[A1] [A2] . I have seen the effects of what it has done to all of us in my family. Many of us were able to work through the difficulties that troubled us from our upbringing; we moved forward in our lives. It’s not easy shining a light on the hidden secrets, lies, abuse, and pain that plagued our family, but there can be healing in it. The underlying secrets and pain of the past will come out in one way or another. It must be addressed and worked out, if we want healing and restoration in our lives; otherwise, we will continue to live in a constant merry-go-round of dysfunction.

[A1]I can understand how his being an alcoholic would affect those around him, but readers may need some examples of dysfunctional behavior beyond what we’ve presented so far; you’ve told us his abuse affected everyone, but if you’re comfortable sharing a little more, readers should see how devastating it was

[A2]I would like to leave this as is.