FROM my EYES

YOU ARE A BETTER MAN HEALED

WHEN YOU HAVE ENDED one relationship and are in pursuit of another, treat your new woman with grace, dignity, and respect. Do not use her to try to fill the void left by your ex-lover. Doing so is wrong, and in time, you will see that there is a void she cannot fill. She should not be used as a cure for or a distraction from your anger, heartbreak, or disappointment. Do not try to use her to make your ex jealous. No woman deserves to be your rebound.

Dating or entering a new relationship when you are not ready only creates damage and pain for you and the woman you are pursuing. That new woman is God’s daughter. She has a heart and a soul. She may be someone’s mother or sister, and she is likely a friend to others. She deserves nothing less than your sincere best.

When you pursue another woman—and your heart has not yet healed because you are still angry, hurt, or in love with your ex—you are in an unhealthy pursuit. Unintentionally, you and your new woman could get scarred with unnecessary wounds that will be hard to recover from. In essence, she will be getting a man who has his guard up—a man who is unprepared to love and be loved because his heart is not completely available.

No matter how long it takes after a relationship has ended, give yourself time to allow your heart to heal—and do the work to heal. Spend some quality time with yourself and with God. Enjoy life. Embrace the lessons you have learned before dating again or getting involved in a new relationship. If you need to vent, talk. If you need to cry, cry. If you need help, seek it. You will be a better man for both yourself and your future woman when you take the time to heal.

She deserves to have you whole—and you deserve to be healed.

YOU’RE NOT TOO FAR GONE

A MAN ONCE TOLD me, “I’ve done too many bad things in my life for God to have anything to do with me.” When he first spoke those words, I didn’t know what to say. Then, Romans 5:20b came to mind: “But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more.” That simply—but genuinely—means that whatever mistake or sin you have committed, God’s grace outweighs it.

We may think there is not enough grace to cover some of the things we have done, so we step away from God. Our guilt, fear, and shame make it hard to face him. When you have sinned or “messed up” for the first, tenth, or fiftieth time, that is when you should seek God—not avoid him. That is when you should pray. Ask for forgiveness and help to move forward. You will discover God’s grace. You will find compassion and forgiveness.

God remains committed to you—no matter your sins or mistakes. He is committed to saving, changing, healing, and doing great things in you and for you. God’s response to your sins and mistakes is this: “I still love you. I want you. I can still use you. I see the value in you. Nothing you have done will change the love I have for you. You are my son.

You are not beyond saving. You are not beyond restoration. God is committed to taking men from wherever they are— in whatever condition they are in—and making them into the men he knows they are. He is committed to saving and restoring imperfect men.

So, if you feel like you are too far gone for God to have anything to do with you, you are not. Romans 5:20b is for you!

BY A CERTAIN AGE

THE JOY THAT SHOULD come from getting your GED, starting college, getting married, becoming sober, or giving your heart to God can get overshadowed by shame and disappointment that you did not do it sooner. People can make you feel that what you have done is not worthy of celebration because of how old you are. Experiencing happiness, gratitude, acceptance, and inner peace versus guilt, embarrassment, and inadequacy partly depends on your choice to recognize and appreciate your reality that you did something good for yourself instead of focusing on you not doing it sooner.

Choices others made—and the choices you have made— may set you back, perhaps keeping you from doing what you hoped to do by a certain age. However, if your journey to where and who you are now has made you a better man, that in and of itself is a worthy accomplishment. An anointed, blessed, and successful life is still possible after injustices have been done to you, trauma has been endured, opportunities have been missed, and mistakes have been made.

You are a testimony to other men that second chances are real. You let other men know that grace exists. You are a living example that age does not define value or success. Celebrate what you have done—no matter your age! The good things you have done, the correct decisions you have made, and the things you have achieved can get lost in disappointment, self-pity, regret, and shame—but only if you let it happen. You may miss the good moments, the blessings, and the opportunities that remain if what you did not do by a certain time is the focus of your mind and heart. Your present existence is proof that you can still do what you were created for and make your dreams a reality.

You get to do those things with greater wisdom, more lessons, and greater power that you probably did not have in your earlier years.