Abide

Introduction

I’ve been trying to solve a problem in the church, but the problem has been in my heart. Sometimes I find the easiest way to solve a problem is to project and then solve it for someone else, because often objectively things are easier to understand. But that’s not how problems work in real life. So instead I'm going to do this: I’m going to invite you into my struggles and my problems, and if it helps you, that’s wonderful. But if not, this book is just here to help solve a problem for one person: me.

I’m not perfect, I’m not a genius, and I don’t intend to rewrite the religion or give a grand explanation that will solve everything in our lives. But I hope with all my heart that this will be a stepping-stone not just for me but also for you on your journey with Christ and help to bring you across troubled waters.

This is the third draft of this book. It’s had three titles so far. The first was Simply Complex, in which I tried to explain how to be a good Christian; it failed. Maybe I’m not a good one myself. Then came Counting to Infinity, where I tried to explain God and the Bible in order to reconcile the church; it failed. Maybe that’s not my job. Next was Beauty through Pain, Perseverance, and Passion; close, but still it failed. Maybe because I was in such pain, my passion was misplaced. But now it's Abide, and just maybe I’m finding the answer now not in the church, not in my intellect, not in my heart, but in Christ alone. Perhaps my answer lies with God, and the only way to get it is through Him alone. So let’s dive in, shall we?

Within all of us there is something missing. Perhaps you’ve accepted it and dealt with it for so long you simply don’t notice; or perhaps you’ve never known anything different, and so your life appears for all intents and purposes to be complete. But I think at this point you understand that something is missing. I can almost hear the audible groan from half my readers when I say, “It's God,” and from the other half a self-assured “Oh yeah.” With a follow-up thought: “I know, but that hasn’t changed anything.”

I’ve been in both camps with the same root—that this isn’t helpful information—because no matter how hard I try, there is always a deficit of answers. Many feel a divine desolation striving for a goal that sometimes seems unattainable and often more present than the proposed solution. And then there is the day when we try, finally try so hard. We get a taste of God. And it’s almost worse. We are no longer ignorant of the glory of God. We have tasted and seen. But it is not enough. Know this, there is not a satisfactory point, never “enough,” if you have truly come in contact with the living water. It culminates in a need to either reject it completely as if it weren’t real or pursue it with an addictive need that makes any drug’s addictive nature look like gummy bears in comparison.