In All My Ways

The swimsuits we girls wore during PE were curious articles of clothing. Wide, boxy, basically shapeless, they were made of some sort of thick, tee-shirt material that, when wet sagged and bagged dreadfully. All were faded royal blue. Before each of us went out we all stood in line, some having their friends pin the back straps together with a huge, blunted safety pin to keep the suits on us while we were in the water. We dipped under a quick shower once we were clad in our suits and had pinned ourselves. We then made our way up the ramp to the pool area just outside the locker room and make our way to the shallow end of the pool.

It was the usual, horrible day for me in the locker room. I dreaded this time of day more than Chemistry class. The usual group of girls would stare at me, point at me, comment on my lack of features. Loudly. I turned my back on them, embarrassed. My face felt hot, and I would always pretend I had not heard their comments. I stripped and slipped into the too big suit and began the struggle of pinning myself up in the back. I had two pins. I had found one in an empty locker near mine, held onto it, and used it.

All of us made our way up the ramp. The girls talked and giggled amongst themselves, some gathered into small knots, while they rechecked to make sure their pins were secure on their suits. We entered the pool area, some girls wandered around the perimeter and entered at the shallower end, taking the steps into the cool water. Others dove in. I simply got in as quickly as I could to avoid being seen by the line of boys who were on their way to the baseball diamond. The water always felt lovely. On that day I lingered at the deep end. I floated on my back. I sank slowly beneath the water and did a double summersault. I rose quickly from the bottom of the pool, and as I reached the surface, I realized that all the girls had already gathered at the meeting place. The teacher had everyone’s attention, and I was not there. I flailed about for a moment as I thought of the fastest way to reach them. Then, a sudden, horrifying realization came to me. I reached behind me to feel for my pins on the back of my suit. They were not there. Neither was my swimsuit.