The Marriage Guide

There is a difference between marriage/relationship coaching and marriage/relationship counseling. Counselors spend a fair amount of time focusing on understanding and examining past problems to help couples make changes or do things differently. Don’t get me wrong: there are times when circumstances make it necessary to revisit situations and come to a resolution concerning the past in order to move forward. Coaches help couples assess various areas of their marriage or relationship in the present to help it progress in the future, to perfect your plan for success in your endeavors and goals. We focus on getting into the grit of coaching with our clients because of the importance of their receiving the necessary strategies, advice, and tools to help get to where they need to be in their marriage or relationship. Your success is our goal. Since you are reading the marriage guide, you seem to be ready to get your relationship where you want it to be, and this tool will help you get things in order.

Our coaching method is more action-oriented and consistent in helping you move forward, as we have our clients do self-reflection projects, assignments, and relationship-building exercises, to name a few techniques. Hands-on processes helped us in our marriage success, and we believe it will help enhance your marriage or relationship as well. You cannot move ahead if you are constantly looking back—our process is much shorter and more task-based. And when the focus is on what you want your relationship to be, the coaching sessions are much more positive and future-oriented. As your coaches, we will actively participate in helping you acquire what you need to stay focused on your goal of having the best marriage or relationship you desire!


Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 (NLT) says:
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

This scripture will help you lean on each other and work on reaching your goals together with success. When we launched our marriage-coaching business, my husband addressed our attendees by explaining the purpose of Above the Heart LLC. He illustrated by having us stand arm in arm, facing opposite ways and trying to walk in different directions. Of course, that did not work, but once we stood with linked arms in the same direction and walked side by side, we were able to get somewhere. He also had us stand back to back, and then we were able to see everything from all sides. He covered my back, and I covered his. Words alone may not express the message displayed at the time, but everyone in attendance was touched by his words of wisdom, and I thank God every day for blessing him with such insight and truth.


When you meet your soulmate, what determines that this person is “the one”? Why is it that sometimes a person gets married several times before realizing who their actual soulmate is? There can be several reasons the vows you make on your wedding day are not honored until death actually does part you. We are not judging anyone, because at times circumstances may result in your parting by way of divorce. We do believe that if you give yourselves time to know each other and learn what the other one is really like, you will have a clearer view of whether you are soulmates or not. Do not be quick to jump into a marriage without considering all factors. Do not get married just to prevent sinning because you feel you cannot resist the temptation of having premarital sex. Marriage is so much more than that. God ordained marriage, and the vows state that it is a lifelong covenant. If you keep God at the forefront through the ups and downs, it will be a success. God does not make mistakes; we mess up when we try to tell God our plan instead of following his plan.

One perfect example is a devastating time when we struggled within our marriage and I had my husband served with a restraining order. Some of our children were still very young, and we were actively going to church on a regular basis while living in separate houses. I informed the pastor of the situation and told him that my husband could not attend the church anymore because with the restraining order in place, he could not be within one hundred feet of me.

I handed our pastor the court document, and after he read it, he put it in his desk and said, “I understand what this restraining order says, but I will not tell your husband he cannot attend his own church. I don’t care what this court document says, because I have an obligation to God to save souls, and this man has a soul that needs saving. So what I can do is have one of you sit in the balcony, and the other one sit downstairs. I will make sure you are kept apart, but I will never keep him from coming to church. That will not help him get closer to God or help him with the issues he has, and as your pastor I have to follow God and do things his way.”

I was so upset when he said that, but I did understand what he said and why he said it. After I thought about it, I was more compassionate about him coming to church, and it did make a lot of sense after I got out of my feelings. We went through this for months, with him sitting in the balcony and me sitting downstairs in the second row. It was such an uncomfortable, painful situation, but because we separately focused on God for ourselves and lived according to God’s will, we were able to overcome this heavy time in our marriage. We have so many circumstances we have faced together, and it took God to help us through them all. That’s why we want to help others help themselves so they too can have the best marriage or relationship they desire.