The Morning After

Every Life has a Story. That story can include joy, sadness, pain and many life altering events. Grief comes into our lives for a number of reasons. We may experience the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, loss of a beloved pet, financial hardship, broken relationships, critical health issues, or a host of other events that impact our lives in many ways. Grief is an emotion that comes to the surface when you have experienced one or more of these events. This book is about losing your spouse and how to be a survivor by building a new life. When I lost my spouse, I was required to cope with the grief of loss, but more importantly I found myself challenged to make a new beginning. Life, after the death of a spouse, can feel like we are in limbo. We should make every effort to decide what a new life will look like. Therapists tell us that the loss of a spouse is the single most tragic event that we will experience in our life time. I believe it’s important to note that loss of a child, a divorce, loss of a job or pet can easily be in the top five high stress and emotional experiences.

One thing that is a given, when you lose your spouse, child or have the unfortunate experience of facing death and dying of a loved one, it is a daily struggle. Death is not if, it is when. Grief comes when a loss occurs, but it is up to us to find a way to cope with our grief and decide our life going forward. I will share my emotional turmoil, grief, guilt and how I found my way. I will explain why. I will tell you about my personal experiences that I journaled for one thousand days. It was this documentation that gave me the understanding of how grief had impacted my life. Each day is unpredictable because no life always goes according to plan. Life can be full of surprises, but how is it possible that a single event can change your best laid plans? You now have to face reality when you wake up that first morning after the funeral and suddenly realize you must face the day alone. Each day from this day forward will be an adventure you never asked for because you never knew what life had in store for you. You dread the next minute, hour, day, week, month or years. You never know what those times can bring. Some will cause heartache and others make your life better. While writing this book, Covid-19 caused a worldwide Pandemic. This created an untested area of grief and recovery which I addressed in my chapter on Grief.

Surviving your loss and understanding your grief is paramount to finding happiness. You are a survivor. The Cambridge Dictionary defines survivor as, “A person who continues to live, especially after a dangerous event; but a survivor is also a person who continues to live after a close relative or a spouse dies. “ I don’t want to minimize the heartache of the death of parents or children, but this book is about the trauma of losing your love, after a long term relationship with or without marriage. You suddenly find yourself alone to face the world. In a way, I suppose this book will fit anyone who has lost a loved one, from death to divorce, because we go through some of the same trials and tribulations. My experience as a survivor comes from spousal loss. I am a proud survivor.

We talk a lot about survivors as people who have survived serious accidents or diseases. Those are visible signs to others, but spousal grief is usually invisible because we don’t wear our hurt like a scar. It is in our heart and mind. Whether the person you loved was sick for many years or died quite suddenly, the heartache can be deep and sometimes impossible to understand. Within this book I will offer several ways to cope with these important issues. What I have learned was this? We all have a life to live and it is our responsibility to live it. The loss of my spouse is a story that I wrote to share my experiences and to help you understand, there is life after your loss, but, it is up to you to live it! Yes, of course, we are hurting, but I believe our loved ones would not want us to waste our future.

Dr. Keith Cobb, wrote in his book, Survival Handbook: a Guide from heartache to healing: “The death of a spouse is rated as one of the most distressing events in life – an event that a spouse in every couple must eventually face. Some people find it helpful, and still feel connected to the love and life they shared.” Our life begins from the day we are born until the day we die. It is our story and ours alone. No matter how long we live we will have many experiences that will impact us in numerous ways. We look for God's plan to help us, but other than prayer, there is no plan how life will turn out because we make our own decisions based on our free will. It is our responsibility to live with the decisions we have made as we pass through our lives. We all have our troubles, some worse than others.

This book, The Morning After, is offered as a guide that may help you understand and cope with your grief and to build new life. Yes, it is possible!