I just could not wrap my mind around all that was happening to me. Why was my life going awry? I started thinking maybe I got the whole Christian thing wrong. I became angrier and angrier and angrier. I wanted to disconnect from the Christian life. I thought to myself that I did not have this issue until I became a Christian. How does a good God allow evil things to take hold of His children? Clearly, this good God did not quite understand what the word good meant. I could not think. I became unhinged, disoriented and befuddled. I was done with God and the whole Christianity fiasco because of what He was allowing to happen in my life. I knew He was God, and He could do anything. I did not understand why He wanted me to suffer. He was being just plain ole mean. He was not a nice God after all. I had it all wrong. My mind was now made up, and I was ready to completely disconnect from everyone who was a Christian and return back to my old lifestyle. If all this affliction is because I am a Christian, then this life is not for me. Who wants to suffer? Not me! I needed to detach myself immediately from these Christian people who I felt had just set me up! I was preparing my exit plan and to take flight like a 747 annnnnd ping went the sound of a new email.
Ping, an email popped in from Adriana. I mulled over the email and was deciding if I should answer or ignore it. I opened the email, and it was friendly enough, but I needed to flee from these people because my life was taking a turn for the worse and I blamed them. You may think that that was silly, immature or insane, but that is exactly where my mind was at the time. I was wrestling with myself and trying to determine how I would respond to her. I decided that I would be upfront with her. I told her that I was done with the whole Christianity scene. I told her that before I became “Saved,” my life was great, and my health was superb. I went on to say that since I became a Christian, I got breast cancer as if you can literally catch it. Looking back, I amazed myself at the words that spilt forth from my lips. I told her that I did not want anything to do with this Christianity-thingy ever again.
I was so mad at God and I was going to let Him know and all His people whom I had connected with along this very short journey. I just could not wrap my mind around a good God delving out bad things. That made no sense to me. I was supposed to be His babe in Christ. I had not been a Christian for any real length of time, I was a newbie for goodness’ sake. How did I get this soooooo wrong? I told her that I was done with Christianity. Her only comment back to me was, “Can I call you at work?’ I hesitated again as to whether to respond or not. After a couple of minutes of deliberation, I responded to her and gave her my work phone number. She answered the email and typed, “I am calling you right now” and she did. When she called, she asked, “Where do you work?” I told her. She said, “Is there a restaurant nearby? And I said, “Yes.” Her next response was, “Meet me there, I am on my way!” That was the extent of our conversation, it was the quickest conversation I had ever had with her and her urgency puzzled me.
I thought to myself, she can come down here all she wants but my mind is made up. And no one or nothing would change that. She could not make me stay a Christian. I really did like her and I thought she was a nice person, but nothing she could say to me would change the fact that I have breast cancer and that God is not who I thought He was. My mind, however, was made up. Her coming down to my job would definitely be a clear waste of time. There was nothing and I do mean nothing that she could say to me that would fix the fact that I have breast cancer. And to make matters worse, it was a malignant destructive aggressive cancer that could annihilate quickly—hence the speeding up of the upcoming surgery to have it removed. I thought to myself, “Really God? This is how You reward me, seriously? As far as I was concerned, this Christianity chapter of my life was permanently and officially closed. I am slamming the door shut on all this Christianity nonsense. I am done and I meant it!”
We met up at the restaurant and placed our orders. We exchanged greetings and made the usual small talk. I wanted to get my spiel on how I felt about Christianity over and done with so that we can move on to better topics. I decided to let Adriana know off the back that my mind was made up. I began with how my life was great before the whole “Save” thingy. My health was perfect, and I have the medical records to prove it. I continued by letting her know that I need to get back to my old way of life where I had optimal health. I had no blemishes on my health records for 40 plus years. I was the perfect model of health and even the doctors agreed. My doctor said, “I sure hate that I have to tarnish your record. I have never seen anyone with an unblemished record history like yours at this age. There is generally at least one thing on someone’s record by the time they reach this age.” I went on to tell her that there was too much turmoil being hurled my way. How coincidental that these issues would arise now: at the time that I am pouring my heart out and studying the Word of God. At the time when I was desiring a relationship with God. At the time where I was desiring to pray more. At the time when I thought God loved me. Who was I kidding? Why would a God who loved me, allow death to walk up and ring my doorbell? Hello? There is nothing you or anyone can say to me about Christianity! Not you or Your God (with stern emphasis)!
And before I could continue this sweet beautiful calm woman of God interjected and stopped me mid-sentence. She was looking at me, but not talking directly to me. It was something I had never seen nor experienced before and it was something I would never forget. I saw the woman of God begin warring in the Spirit. I looked at her in amazement and bewilderment simultaneously. She took authority by the Word of God. At that time, I did not understand what was happening nor what she was doing. I witnessed firsthand the double-edged sword that the Bible talks about. I witnessed firsthand how His Word was the truth as I witnessed the lies falling to the ground. I witnessed firsthand what it felt like to have the shackles of Hades that was holding you down be BROKEN! I witnessed firsthand that God had purposefully sent an angel (Adriana) after me, because that was just how much He loved me. The turning point for me was that the Love of God had chased me down and kept me when I did not even realize that I needed to be kept. He loved me enough to come after me when I was turning my back on Him. When the warring stopped, I realized that God sent Adriana to bring me back into His loving arms. He took the time to go after the one lost sheep. I simply needed to know that He was there for me, He loved me and cared for me. I cannot begin to tell you how much it meant that God, the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth came after me, His daughter.