The Marriage Template

Preface

This book is forty years in the making. That is right. Marriage is one subject that has not been formally taught as a discipline, and yet this institution holds society together. It determines the success of a nation or its demise. We have taken it for granted, thinking it is a natural thing that follows us as a matter of course. Not so. It is no wonder we have not made a great success of this glorious institution that God Almighty so methodically put together. The rate of divorce among Christians is soaring daily, not to mention what is going on in the outer society.

I did not have any structured or formal training in marriage until much later in life. The first I heard about marriage as a subject was when I was only eleven years old, in secondary school. A preacher told us that he started praying for his wife from about our age. My friend Daniel and I, out of childish inquisition rather than any conviction or understanding, would go out at night on the school field to pray for our wives. But we did not know what we were praying for. Then into my twenties, I heard one elder in church always say, “Do not allow your children to come between you and your wife.” He had made it clear to his own children that he and his wife were there before they came and that very soon they, the children, would leave them. Again, what was I supposed to learn from this? I must have read some pamphlets on marriage here and there, but I never had a clue as to what marriage was all about.

Getting married certainly was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life, and I hope my experiences on this journey will help others embarking on the adventure of marriage. The most difficult thing for me was the choice of who to marry. The scope is drastically narrowed when one embraces a key truth: Look into the church for guidance. That is where one can find like-minded people. That knowledge was quite a relief for me, and I thought when I was ready to marry I would just ask one of the born-again sisters to marry me, and that would be it. Not so fast—it’s not that easy.

That was my situation. It was pure confusion and panic. As it turned out, there were so many born-again sisters around. How on earth could one make a choice? Who among these beautiful, Bible-believing, tongue-speaking sisters would I pick? I tried fleece one time, and my dear pastor told me the time of fleece had passed. He said God does not use flees anymore, but he never told me how God can tell someone who to marry. This is because he himself did not know how. I was simply overwhelmed. I was a well-educated, prosperous, and popular young man. I was a musician. I played the guitar and wrote songs and ministered from church to church and campus to campus, yet I could not find a wife in this ocean of believers.

I found myself in a situation similar to Paul’s, saying, “Oh, wretched man that I am. Who can deliver me from this quagmire?” And like Paul, God came to my rescue, and I could say, “Thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Help, clarity, and understanding came in a five-day marriage programme at the University of Lagos, Nigeria organised by the man of God we all fondly call Brother Gbile Akaani. This was the very first structured marriage seminar I ever attended. And in those five nights, I found answers to all my questions.

I understood for the first time what marriage was all about. I learned how to understand the mind of God. I was told I must accept whomever God brings to me. The prospects of “whomever God brings” frightened the daylight out of me. This was because I wanted both the inner beauty and the outer beauty as well. I also had a picture of what my wife would look like, and nothing was going to change that, especially if she was a born-again Christian. I resisted that suggestion of “whomever God brings,” but as the program went on, most of my questions were answered. As I went through the tapes over and over again, weeks and months after the programme, my understanding kept expanding, and my heart started melting and yielding to the prospects of “whomever God brings to you.” My fears were gone. What a relief. What an exposure. What a wealth of knowledge. The program answered all my questions. The scales fell off my eyes, and the eye of my understanding opened. Within two years after this programme, I was married. I applied all the principles I learnt from that marriage seminar to the letter, and twenty-six years later my marriage is getting sweeter and sweeter every day. Praise the Lord.

I have heard some outstanding testimonies come out of the various marriage seminars I have held over the years. I have seen marriages being born out of these seminars, after the participants received these revelations. There have been constant requests from churches and congregations from around the world for me to put these teachings in a book. God finally put the burden of writing this book on me when He said it will help people who are in the position I was years ago, before I got married. In responding to this call, I felt obligated to write this book.

God has answered the prayers I made when I was only eleven years old. If there is one decision I know I got right in my life, it is marrying my wife of over twenty-six years. The principles I learnt over time and which have guided me are the same expounded in this book. I have taught these in several marriage seminars in the United States, in Europe, and in Africa, with tremendous testimonies. These principles are God’s principles. They are sacrosanct and immutable. They will help us all the way.

This book is timeless and not limited to any group of people. It is a must-read for Christians entering the marriage pact and starting a family. It is also very relevant for those who are already married but who did not have the knowledge before they went into marriage. This book will make their marriage very exciting as they begin to understand their roles while applying the principles contained in this boo. Even for those whose marriages have broken down or they may have already divorced, this book can bring healing and restoration.

These same principles in this book, continue to guide me today. By His grace, I have an exciting home, where everyone knows their roles. Marriage has helped me to know God on a deeper level. My prayer is that the Lord, who helped me to make the right decision and who has been a consistent guest in our home, would anoint this book in readers’ hands to give them a beautiful home and also an assignment to share this book around the world.