Streams of Light from a Heart Broken
Hopeful Reflections on a Grief-Shadowed Journey
by
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Skydiving
On the morning of our most recent Loss of a Spouse class with GriefShare, I read a commentary about grief as it pertains to the loss of a loved one after an extended illness. One thought is that people already grieve during the illness, so the grief may not be as overwhelming after the actual loss. The commentator replied something to the effect that this was like saying you could experience skydiving while still sitting in the plane. That resonated with me because until you jump out of the plane, it isn’t real. Until you say goodbye, it isn’t real. I have thought a lot about this analogy. I think when a loved one receives a terminal diagnosis, you are forced to board a skydiving plane. You are grippingly aware of the journey that you are on. In some part of your consciousness, you are preparing yourself, checking flight plans, looking at landing sites, and meticulously packing the parachute you hope you will never have to use. You probably think you have it all together until the bottom drops out of the plane, and you are hurled into a Cat 5 hurricane. It is then that you realize you weren’t prepared nearly well enough. But you have your chute, and you have been running through the scenarios. So in a way, maybe you are better equipped to navigate the journey ahead than those who experience sudden loss.
For those of us who have experienced sudden loss, we are just happily flying along, thinking we are headed to Disney World. Then suddenly, the bottom of the plane disappears, and we are hurled into that same Cat 5 hurricane. At some point someone throws a parachute out of the plane.
I started thinking that maybe our faith is represented by that parachute. Most of the people I have known who received a life-altering diagnosis quickly turned toward their faith and to God. They tended to their faith carefully during the illness and clung to it desperately if the battle was lost. As for me, I had been growing stronger in my faith before John died so abruptly. My faith journey had been intentional and significant. Even in the hospital I felt that God had been preparing me for that time and fitting me for the parachute that I didn’t even know I would need. When I was hurled out of the plane, I was thankful that my parachute was so close at hand.
Where is your parachute?
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About the Book
After Julie Grant’s husband, John, died abruptly, she found herself in that allegorical valley and discovered her faith was the only source of light that could pierce the darkness. In Streams of Light from a Heart Broken, she narrates the story of her journey.
Throughout this devotional, Grant acknowledges that grief is hard. There is absolutely no part of grieving that is remotely pleasant. It is not a systematic, box-ticking list of emotions you proceed through to completion. Grieving, like living, is a process determined by the choices you make on the journey, and there are always choices.
Streams of Light from a Heart Broken addresses the questions: Where do you turn when the darkness overwhelms? Who do you turn to? How do you extend grace when words meant for comfort leave you deeply wounded? Is forward momentum even possible? Through her experiences, Grant hopes her words encourage others as they seek the brightest light in their darkest night.
About the Author
Julie Grant has been an emergency room nurse for more than thirty-two years. She has two sons and lives in the Lowcountry of South Carolina. When not in the ER, Grant enjoys walking with her dog Pishwit and searching for the beauty that God has hidden everywhere on her path.