Teagan's Heart

Still sitting in my chair, I looked up and noticed a small window

just as the young doctor finished her statements. There were four

panes within the window, and the combination of them held together

was a wooden frame that formed a cross. At that moment, I could

feel what I had to do was kneel at the foot of that cross. Although

my physical body was in a sitting position, my heart was utterly

prostrate. I asked; I beseeched Jesus to tell me that my daughter was

healthy and to please tell me what was going on! As I gazed at that

little cross in the window, I then fell to my knees and wept, knowing

what Jesus did at the cross. He could save my daughter and make

her complete and whole.

Recently, I heard testimonies of people healed from their

infirmities or dying and risen to live again. There are countless

stories of Jesus performing miracles in the Bible, including raising

people from the dead; ultimately, Christ himself rose from the grave.

So I know that He can do it! But will He?

As I looked up at the little cross again, I didn’t hear or pay

attention to what people were talking about nor what they were

doing. I felt like I was at a different level of understanding, as if my

eyes were wide open to see, expect, and receive all that Christ was

doing during this event. With all my questions and thoughts swirling

in my head, my heart went out to my husband, our boys, and my

daughter’s friend, Anthony, who was lying in the hospital with his

wounds and family at his side. Unexplainably, my heart swelled with

deep compassion as I felt empathy for Teagan, Anthony, and those

who were suffering around me. With my mind, I immediately asked

the Lord, Did she experience or endure great pain?

I never want my

children to suffer any pain, although tribulation is inevitable. I’ve

always disliked the times when they were hurting either emotionally

or physically. By no means do I want my children to go through

the pain I’m experiencing now nor what I had to endure during my

lifetime.

I believe God loves us so much He never wanted us to go

through pain. Genesis 2:16,17 (AMPC) reads, “And the Lord God

commanded the man (Adam), saying, you may freely eat of every

tree of the garden; But of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and

blessing and calamity you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of

it you shall surely die.” This passage tells me a few things:

• God gave man the freedom to eat from every tree except the

one that would harm him. Isn’t this like a loving parent? To

place boundaries so that our children would not get hurt

and bring pain or calamity to their lives?

• God warned him of the consequences; good and evil,

blessing and calamity.

• God gave the man a choice. Life or death.

Scripture tells us in Genesis 2:9 (AMPC) “And out of the ground

the Lord God made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight

or to be desired—good (suitable, pleasant) for food; the tree of life

also in the center of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of

[the difference between] good and evil and blessing and calamity.”

Imagine if Adam and Eve ate from the tree of life? I believe there

would be no sin, and we would be enjoying and living in God’s

eternal garden, in His presence with no sorrow and pain.

Unfortunately, the man chose death (ultimately). Adam

disobeyed God. But thank goodness, God had a plan. His plan was

the final, perfect sacrifice that would save the world from their sins

and bring us back into a kindred relationship with Himself once

again.

“For the Son of Man came to seek and

to save that which was lost.”

Luke 19:10 (AMPC)

I recalled the story of Jesus’ suffering, suffering for us, the sin of

the world, as I looked up at that little window cross. I remembered

reading His Word, which said that He sacrificed Himself because

He loves us. I wonder how Mary, the mother of Jesus, felt and

thought, seeing her son, the Savior of the world, suffering. My heart

and mind couldn’t fathom the humiliation Jesus went through. The

physical flogging, the horrible words they called Him, the mental,

emotional, and physical pain Jesus endured because of His GREAT

love for us. Over time, I realized some of the lavished mercy and

grace He has given to my family, which came at such a significant

cost.

I felt as if I was in a different dimension during the moment of

my new revelation of experiencing the extraordinary indescribable

love of Jesus, which was surreal and beyond wonderful. It was a bittersweet

moment as I was agonizing over the thought of losing Teagan.

I felt such an overwhelming love that this body of mine could not

contain it. I not only felt enveloped by it, but it permeated within me

and flowed through me. It was uncontainable and unfathomable. I

have never experienced anything like this. No words could describe

this beautiful dense presence.