Power over Wrong Intimacy

Adultery always requires a careful planning and does not just happen as a matter of course. It is, therefore, certainly the case that adultery will not cross the path of a wife or husband who is unwilling to participate in that deceitful act. For those who seem to flippantly minimise the sin of adultery, the Bible refers to that act as wickedness. In Proverbs 30:20, we are told of the way of an adulterous woman, which is that she eats and wipes her mouth, and then says, "I have done no wickedness." Thus, adultery is a strategically designed plan that takes advantage of and abuses the trust of one's spouse.

"For at the window of my house I looked through my lattice, And saw among the simple, I perceived among the youths, a young man devoid of understanding, Passing along the street near her corner; and he took the path to her house In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night. And there a woman met him, with the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. She was loud and rebellious, her feet would not stay at home. At times she was outside, at times in the open square, lurking at every corner. So she caught him and kissed him; with an impudent face she said to him: "I have peace offerings with me; today I have paid my vows. So I came out to meet you, diligently to seek your face, and I have found you. I have spread my bed with tapestry, coloured coverings of Egyptian linen. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey; He has taken a bag of money with him, and will come home on the appointed day." With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him." (Proverbs 7:6–21)

In the above Scripture, the writer of the book of Proverbs describes the length to which a potential adulteress can go to defile the marital bed. In the absence of her husband she devises her scheme to indulge in the wrong physical intimacy. While the husband believes that his wife is at home pursuing legitimate household duties, the wife rather is perpetrating a wicked act against him. That is what adultery has always been. Whereas a husband or wife lives in the belief that their spouse is in a given location attending to rightful activity, the spouse rather is engaged in an activity of shameful proportions.

The road to adultery is long and arduous, and as such no one can be involved in marital unfaithfulness if they do not wish to do so. Marital unfaithfulness requires one to adopt another or a second personality completely different from what they are in the marital home. In effect they become two persons in one body. Before their spouse, they are a loving, kind, caring and loyal partner, and in the absence of their spouse, they are the lying, and wicked partner, eagerly willing to betray their spouse. Thus, adultery involves many lies—lies about one's movements, lies about meetings, passwords on electronic gadgets and secret conversations. Essentially, part of a person's life becomes opaque to their partner, with no transparency, which should not be the case at all. Hence, adultery is such a burdensome activity on one that it will not be in one's interest to pursue it, if they were not willing to partake of that wickedness.

It is in this sense that adulterous spouses always look for an opportunity—that is, a certain convenience, that minimises the burden of embarking on such a lifestyle. Such opportunity is always found in someone who is already close to the person willing to be unfaithful. Here, we think of someone who is a family friend, a work colleague, one who is a subordinate or a superior at work, one's business or ministry partner, one's lecturer, teacher, or student, and so on and so forth. These human relationships and associations present opportunities for adultery, because spouses willing to be unfaithful see them as minimizing the burden of infidelity.

The truth is that we all as individual beings and economic agents do have these relationships. In fact, they are unavoidable if one is living on this earth, and wants to achieve anything worthwhile. If one wishes to avoid them, then they must go and take up residence in a cemetery or forest, and by so doing perish there. Hence, these human relationships are not a reason or an excuse for us to engage in infidelity. It is, therefore, important to note, that not all spouses are involved in this wicked act of marital unfaithfulness.

Adultery can only take place between two willing participants. In other words, two conditions must prevail for adultery to occur. First, a spouse must want to commit adultery, and second, the other party must also want to be willing to indulge in sexual impropriety. I use the broad term sexual impropriety because the other party may also be married, in which case they are also committing adultery, or unmarried, wherefore they are knowingly willing to have a sexual affair with someone else's wife or husband. Thus, we have two coconspirators with shameless alacrity that perpetuate the sin of marital unfaithfulness. It, therefore, goes without saying, that if one of the parties, especially the married person is unwilling, adultery will not and can never occur. The case of Joseph, the penultimate son of the patriarch Jacob illustrates this argument quite well.